


Vacation Bible School

by BerthaMason



Series: Thirteen Years [1]
Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Age Difference, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Ben is 23, Coming of Age, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, Dry Humping, Dubious Consent, F/M, Grooming, Groping, Praise Kink, Rey is 13, Sex Talk, Sexual Repression, Virgin Rey (Star Wars), religious talk
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-20
Updated: 2020-10-26
Packaged: 2021-03-02 22:41:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 4
Words: 27,140
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24294529
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BerthaMason/pseuds/BerthaMason
Summary: A lot happened to Rey Johnson in the summer of 2008; she turned thirteen, started her period, read a lot of books, volunteered to help out her local church, got her first crush, and kissed a boy for the first time. She also tried running away from home and got child protective services called on her foster father, but that was all Ben Solo's fault.
Relationships: Rey & Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Series: Thirteen Years [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2013559
Comments: 47
Kudos: 69





	1. Monday

**Author's Note:**

> There will be talk of sex and menstrual cycles in relation to a thirteen-year-old. The depiction of sexual acts performed by main and side characters are not explicit. Of course, I'll update or tag if anything changes.
> 
> The story will end with Rey and Ben's separation but there will be a sequel with them meeting up again.

The prudent sees the evil and hides himself, b ut the naive go on and are punished for it. 

_Proverbs 22:3_

Rey was so excited to be walking through the doors of the large church that summer. She had been going to vacation bible school for the past couple of years, but she was thirteen now, which meant she could be a volunteer. Volunteering was a huge responsibility with a lot of benefits; she would finally be treated like an adult, wouldn’t have to ask Ms. Kanata, her next-door neighbor, to pay for her registration fees, and she would get free food. Rey signed up without hesitation.

There weren't that many kids around since she was an hour early, like all the other responsible volunteers, so Rey took the time to peek into the sanctuary. Other volunteers were still tinkering with projectors and wires, so she followed the sound of people talking to the gymnasium down the hall.

Rey stood in the doorway, unsure of what to do. She was staring intently at the breakfast table when an older woman walked up from behind. "Hi there! Are you here to help, or are you just early?" the kind voice called out. She turned to see a woman with a tight side bun and a loose white blouse step closer to her.

"I, um, I'm here to help. I’ve been here before but I just turned thirteen, so I wanted to help. My name is Rey, by the way."

The woman chuckled. "Well, well, I’m glad to see the enthusiasm there, Rey. I’m Leia. That was so nice of you to volunteer instead of just attending. But between you and me..." Leia leaned in closer to Rey and lowered her voice, "it's a lot more fun to be a helper. You get extra snacks." Rey giggled. She was counting on it.

"Have you eaten breakfast today?" Rey nodded her head no which made Leia huff.

"That just won't do. Come on." Leia led Rey to the breakfast arrangement and handed her a plate. "Get as much as you want. You need your energy. Has anyone talked to you about which leader you are going to be paired with?"

Rey didn't answer right away because, as soon as Leia had told her to get as much as she wanted, she stuffed five grapes into her mouth, and proceeded to put more fruit and a bagel on her plate. After Rey swallowed the grapes, she shook her head. Leia looked down at her clipboard. "You could be on outside activity duty. The younger helpers usually like that one because you can stay outside all day and help with the games." Rey thought about saying yes for a moment. However, she did enjoy all the parts of vacation bible school and wanted to experience it all. She knew if she helped a teacher, she could go to every station.

"I was actually hoping I could help a teacher."

"How lovely then! You can help me. I have the 6-8-year-olds, which is a bit larger than we anticipated this year. I recruited my son to help me, but we could use your help too."

"Great!" Rey exclaimed as she and Leia walked over to a table with a couple of other volunteers who were eating. "You know where the classes are, right? I'll be in room C when you're done here." Rey gave her another nod, and she was off.

At 8:45 a.m., Rey headed out to the basement where all the classrooms were. The theme this year was "Power Lab," so the church was filled with test tubes, cobwebs, and slime decorations. Rey even passed a couple of adults that were wearing lab coats that reminded her of the ones doctors wear at the hospital. She took her time getting to the classroom, admiring all the work that had been done to transform the large church, and felt another rush of excitement as she found classroom C.

Rey was taken aback, however, when she walked into the room and straight into a wall. Or at least what felt like a wall. She had to tilt her head up completely to see that what she had actually walked into was a man. He was wearing black jeans with a fitted grey shirt that outlined the muscles in his upper arms. There was a funny feeling in Rey's stomach as she locked eyes with him. She was the tallest in her grade, but she felt so small next to him. His jet black hair was coiffed in the front and just barely covered his large ears. For some reason, Rey couldn't move. The man, however, backed away from her and smirked. Rey didn't know what that look was supposed to mean; no one had ever looked at her like that.

"Aren't you a little old for this group?" His low voice sent a shiver down her spine, which she didn't conceal very well.

"Yes," Rey finally responded, "Leia said I could help out in her room."

"You don't have a volunteer tag." He raised an eyebrow at her and pointed to his nametag.

Ben.

"I wasn't given one." Rey watched him curiously as his gaze lowered to her chest. After what felt like minutes, he walked over to the table that was along the wall with art supplies and retrieved an extra tag and uncapped a sharpie.

"What's your name?"

"Rey with an E."

"Well, Rey with an E." He bent down in front of her and grabbed the corner of her collar, his fingers grazing the top of her chest. "I'm Leia's son, Ben." Rey closed her eyes as his fingers lingered at her shirt, and she knew he could feel her heartbeat pound harder and harder. It wasn't until a child laughed that Rey realized they weren't the only ones in the room. Ben quickly stood up straight and turned away from her, and she was able to see the three younger kids sitting at the table in the middle of the room joking to themselves.

Just then, Leia walked in, and Rey turned to face her. "Ben, I see you've met Rey. She's going to be with us for the week." Rey quickly glanced over at Ben to see his reaction to the news.

"I think we're going to have fourteen kids in our group," was all he said, pushing in a stray chair without looking at her again.

As more kids filtered into the room, it got increasingly harder to hear what anyone was saying. Rey never remembered kids being so loud, but now that she was a responsible adult, she noticed things like that: how loud kids were, how unfunny their jokes were, and especially how messy they preferred to be. She didn't want to be seen as a kid anymore and was content with her responsibility to help out and planned on being a positive example to the kids.

Rey joined Leia by the door and welcomed every kid that walked in and tried her best to learn their names. At 9:00 a.m., Leia closed the door along with the other teachers and started the day.

Rey tried to stay on opposite sides of the room as Ben, and at some point during the hour, she completely forgot about him. That lasted only until he squeezed behind her to get to the other side of the room. After that, Rey couldn't get the feeling of his hand on her lower back out of her mind and was acutely aware of Ben's location in the room at all times.

At 10:00 a.m., Leia announced that it was time to head outside. Rey watched as Ben got the kids to line up in an orderly fashion to head out, but looked away as soon as he caught her.

For the experiment outside, more adults in lab coats and funky wigs were pouring mentos into soda bottles, which was something Rey had never seen before. Streams of foam shot out of the bottles, and Rey couldn't help but shriek along with the smaller kids. Once the demonstration finished, the group was given a chance to play out in the field. Rey ran around chasing the kids and throwing frisbee's until it was time to go to the sanctuary. Ben called out to the group with his commanding voice and got them settled and ready to go.

"Is it okay if I go to the bathroom?" Rey asked Leia as they walked behind the line of kids watching out for stragglers.

"Of course, sweetie."

Rey used the restroom quickly, but instead of rushing out after washing her hands like she usually did, she stayed looking at herself in the mirror. Her long chestnut brown hair had been in a ponytail, but with all the running she did, not only were her cheeks red, but she had flyaways coming out of every direction of her scalp. She felt so embarrassed and took out the ponytail, smoothing down her hair the way she had seen her foster sister Rose do many times before a date.

It was calm in the sanctuary, even with the company of a few other groups. A video was playing on the large projector, and all the kids were cooling down from their time outside. Rey sat in the very last pew far behind everyone and watched the screen as a "mad scientist" talked to a gopher puppet about the power of Jesus' love. The video was entertaining enough that Rey didn't notice the towering figure approaching her until it had settled right next to her. He was close, but not close enough to touch.

"Hello." Ben leaned over and whispered close to her ear. Rey didn't say anything. "Why are you sitting all the way over here by yourself?" He asked.

When Rey didn't respond to him again, he placed his large hand on her knee, which made Rey finally turn to him. "I don't know, I just wanted to sit back here," she answered, hoping he would take his hand off of her, but he didn't.

"Is it okay if I sit back here with you?"

Rey's first instinct was to say no, but her mouth betrayed her with a yes.

Ben smiled and leaned back in the pew with his hand still on Rey's leg. He only moved it once when the sanctuary door opened, and someone came walking in, but when the person passed, he placed his warm hand back above her knee, where he kept it for the rest of the video.

Everyone stood for praise and worship. All the kids danced around the pews and jumped along to the blaring music, and Rey did her best to follow along to the dance moves while making sure she didn't accidentally touch Ben.

For snack time, it was Rey's job to help Ben bring the prepared snacks from the kitchen back to the classroom. They were both quiet the whole way, which Rey was thankful for.

After all the kids finished their snack, Leia read to them their final bible story and gave an overview of the day's activities. While she waited in the corner of the room listening to Leia tell the story, Ben handed her a small box containing the rubber figurines that the kids were going to collect for the week. She looked down at the blue cartoon test tubes in confusion.

"You're a big girl, pass them out."

In silent obedience, Rey passed them out. She knew it would be her job as Leia's helper, but there was also some small part of her that wanted to prove to Ben that she was a 'big girl' who would do what he asked of her.

Parents started picking up their children at noon, and the final child in their room was picked up at 12:15 p.m.

Leia let out a long sigh when the last parent was well out of earshot. "What a day! Wasn't that so much fun? You did such an excellent job, Rey."

Rey smiled at the compliment.

"I'm going to go get the worksheets and box of figures for tomorrow. Can you guys get the room in order? Thanks!" Leia didn't see the brief moment of panic on Rey's face as she rushed out of the room, leaving her and Ben alone.

Ben started picking up scraps of paper and crumbs around the room while Rey organized the crayons and markers.

Five minutes had passed, and the room seemed to have been returned to its former glory, but Leia was still not back. They both sat down at the table, but the seats were clearly made for kids smaller than them both. Rey couldn't help but giggle.

"What's so funny?" Ben smiled.

"You. You're so tall," Rey continued to giggle.

"You don't exactly fit into the seat either, missy." He crossed his arms, faking irritation.

"I know, but at least I'm not ten feet tall."

Ben laughed at her comment, and Rey felt a sense of pride at that fact.

"Do you like coming to vacation bible school, Rey?" His tone had shifted almost instantly, making Rey straighten her posture.

"...yes. My foster family doesn't go to church, but my neighbor brought me when I was nine, and I've been coming ever since."

Ben eyed her, careful not to linger too long in any one place on her body. "And how old are you now?"

"Just turned thirteen."

"Ahhh. Poor little Dolores."

Rey wasn't sure why he had called her Dolores. She had seen him eye her name tag more than once. For goodness sake, he was the one who gave her the nametag! There was a mischievous look on Ben's face like he was expecting her not to know what he was referring to and ask for clarification. Rey recognized the look of expectancy on his face and decided against indulging him.

"I'm not little."

Ben quirked an eyebrow at her. That wasn't the response he was expecting but enjoyed it all the same.

"Compared to me. you are."

"Anyone compared to you is little."

"I suppose you're right. So you don't find me intimidating?"

"Why would I? You're someone I met at church." Rey pointed out earnestly and noticed his stifled smirk. "You're more imposing than anything," she added. Ben nodded his head and sat in silence for another moment which gave Rey a chance to think about the difference between intimidating and imposing.

"Do you pray a lot?" His voice startled her out of her thoughts.

"I do my best to pray before every meal but sometimes I forget. But I'm really good about praying before I go to bed."

"Hmm, that's good. And when you pray at night, are you laying down in bed or on your knees?"

Rey was confused as to why he was so concerned about her praying habits, but his questions seemed harmless enough. "It depends, but I like to do it on my knees like the Precious Moments statue that my neighbor gave me." Rey thought about her answer for a moment. "But I don't think Jesus cares where you pray, just that you do pray," she added quickly just in case his question was some sort of test.

Ben ran a hand through his hair, which made Rey's stomach do a flip. She was probably just hungry. She thought she had caught the gleam of something silver in his ear and wondered if he had a piercing, but his thick waves fell right back into place before she could wonder too much.

Rey eagerly waited for him to ask another question, but he sat silently, staring at her. Another moment passed before he got up from his seat and walked over to the shelf with the paper and pencils and watched him scribble something onto a scrap piece of paper. He was walking with his hand out to give it to her when Leia walked in. Ben had so seamlessly put the paper into his pocket like he wasn't doing anything that, for a moment, Rey thought she had imagined it.

"I got the supplies for tomorrow! Are you guys ready for lunch?"

"Yup," Ben chirped, "we're all done in here."

The three of them walked side by side back to the gymnasium, where the volunteer luncheon was taking place. Some lady that Rey had seen earlier in the morning spoke over the microphone congratulating everyone on a successful first day.

Rey made a bee-line for the small sandwich bar that had been set up, made herself two sandwiches, and grabbed a bag of chips. She looked out into the crowd of tables looking for the two familiar faces and was met with the cold stare of Ben. Rey walked over to him almost in a trance and sat down right next to him. The adults at the table talked about work, kids, and other topics Rey had nothing to add to, but she never found it too dull; she felt like a grown-up.

There were even a couple of moments where she thought Ben had touched her leg purposefully, but he only seemed to ever be shifting in his seat or crossing and uncrossing his arms. By the time everyone was done eating and talking, it was almost 2:30 p.m. Everyone started leaving, but it wasn't until Leia excused herself to go to the bathroom that Rey said goodbye and left.

There was an unfamiliar nagging in Rey’s chest like something at church had tethered itself to her without her knowing and she was just now made aware of its presence. The sound of her name being called distracted her since she recognized the voice before even seeing who it belonged to. In a short moment, Ben was towering over her, puffing his chest in and out from having run after her. Without a word, Ben slipped the paper from earlier into her hand and turned back to the church. She looked down at the scrap piece of paper with an email on it; BS77@aol.com.

Rey stood still for a moment, unsure of what to do. The sun was high in the sky, but there was a light breeze blowing through her hair that prompted her to shove the paper into her pocket and continue on home. She enjoyed the feeling of the sun's beams penetrating her skin and welcomed the incoming summer with a smile.

***

By the time Rey walked back home, her foster father, Unkar Plutt, was sitting reclined in front of the TV. The only greeting she received was half of a grunt.

The rest of the day went by slowly, but Rey was able to fill the time with reading and doing crossword puzzles. None of it, however, took her mind off the crumpled paper that was still in her pocket. She knew what she was supposed to do with it, but couldn't bring herself to.

After dinner, Rey sat on the couch with Plutt and Rose as the three watched Family Feud, and waited till she heard Plutt's snoring to ask her sister for advice. "Rose? How did you know that Finn liked you?" Rey recalled Rose's boyfriend, who she had seen sneak in and out of their house countless times.

"Why? Is some little church boy pulling your pigtails?" Rose chuckled and changed the channel.

Rey rubbed the place above her leg where Ben's hand had been.

"No," Rey paused, taking a long moment to think about what information she should share, "but he sat next to me when he didn't have to, and he gave me his email."

"I mean, if a boy gives you his email or phone number, that means he wants to talk to you, which could mean he like likes you, but I'm not sure about kids your age."

"He's older than me."

"Ow ow! Look at you," Rose said slapping Rey's arm with a smile, "securing a sugar daddy already? Who is he?" Rey rarely understood the things Rose said to her, but luckily this wasn't the first time she had heard Rose use the term 'sugar daddy.' Remembering what the term meant, Rey regretted saying anything. Rose wouldn't understand.

"Don't hold out on me now. And how old is he?" Rose asked again, scooching closer to Rey.

"His name is Ben...I don't know how old he is. Fifteen maybe fifteen or sixteen." Rey didn't know Ben's exact age, but she was smart enough to know that he was much much older than that. "He's a volunteer in my room."

"Your teacher?!"

"No-no-no. Shhhhh, can you keep your voice down," Rey whispered, peaking over at Plutt, who was still snoring.

"Please, you and I both know that lard ass isn't going to wake up anytime soon," Rose turned to Plutt and waved her hand in his face, "Right fuckface?"

Rey rolled her eyes but kept her volume low. "I told you, I'm a volunteer this time 'round."

"They let pipsqueaks watch over other pipsqueaks?" Rose ruffled the hair on Rey's head despite knowing Rey hated it when she did that.

"Look who's talking," Rey said, slapping Rose's hand away, "I'm like the same height as you."

"Yeah yeah yeah, rub it in, why don't you. Anyway, it's not like it matters. Height and age are just numbers. It's how you carry yourself that matters. I guess it makes sense someone older would want to talk to you."

"Really?"

"...yeah, I guess. How old did you say he was, sixteen?"

"Or fifteen."

"Either way, if he's that old, then he most definitely wants to talk to you for some reason. Guys that age are already jerking off, whether they go to church or not. So I’m sure he knows what he wants.”

 _Jerking off_. Another term that Rey had already heard before, and regretted googling when Rose had mentioned it in regards to Finn. Rey was not amused with Rose’s comment so she mumbled thanks and continued watching some random MTV show until the weight of her drooping eyelids became too much to ignore. 

Saying her goodnight, Rey bent down to give Rose a kiss on the head and then excused herself to get ready for bed. She carefully took out Ben's email from her pocket and placed it under her pillow the second she got to her room, then changed into her pajamas, brushed her teeth, and kneeled to say her nighttime prayer. Rey tried getting through the prayer six times, failing every time to make it through without thinking of Ben. Sighing in defeat, she climbed into bed and let the thought of Ben's warm hand on her knee lull her to sleep.


	2. Tuesday

I know that after my departure savage wolves will come in among you, not sparing the flock; and from among your own selves, men will arise, speaking perverse things, to draw away the disciples after them. 

_Acts 20:29-30_

The church seemed a bit bigger to Rey, who stood at the crosswalk across the street, watching as families pulled in and out the parking lot. 

It was 8:40, but she wasn't in a rush today. Sure, responsible adults are always on time, and volunteers were asked to show up no later than 8:30, but Rey decided over a bowl of fruity pebbles that as an adult, she could show up when she wanted. All within reason, of course, and boy did she have a reason. Ben had been the last thing to cross her mind when she went to bed and was the first thing she thought of when she woke up. It was embarrassing, and even though impossible, she was afraid that he'd know by looking at her. 

Rey took her time crossing the street and entering the large doors, taking it all in. The church was buzzing with excitement and organized chaos. There were more adults in wigs, and lab coats, and the kids were singing along to the worship songs blaring over the speaker. Once she got to classroom C, she was greeted with the toothless grins of several kids. 

"I was wondering what happened to you, little lady," Leia called out to Rey once her presence was known. 

"Sorry, I ate breakfast at home today."

"That's no problem, Rey."

Rey caught the moment that Ben turned at the sound of his mother saying her name. His hazel eyes instantly found hers, and it was as if all the air in the room had vanished. Rey sucked in a quick breath just to double-check. The whole walk to church had been nerve-wracking, thinking of all the ways he could be angry at her or disappointed, so it was a big surprise when none of that happened. Ben's face remained utterly neutral, irritatingly neutral. Rey blinked, and Ben had turned his attention back to the child who was asking him a question. 

The first hour passed just as it had the day before; Rey would go to any kid who needed help and then stand in the back of the room waiting until she was needed again. It didn't take long to notice that Ben was always on the side of the room she was not, as if he was purposefully avoiding her. She should have been relieved, but it was frustrating her to no end. 

At 10, Ben led the kids through the hallways and out the side where they would watch the science demonstration and have a chance to run around. 

Two "mad scientists" spent twenty minutes talking to the kids about the miraculous powers of Jesus as well as the properties of dry ice and how to use it to make ice cream. Afterward, a line formed at a table off to the side for those who wanted to try the ice cream, but Rey stayed far behind the crowd watching the demonstration table. The large metal bowl that had the dry ice in it was left unattended, and Rey observed as a thick smoke crept up from the depths of the bowl. No one else seemed to care or even notice. The skin over her knuckles turned white as she dug her nails into her palm, waiting in anticipation for the smoke to billow out and roll down the side of the bowl, but it wouldn't budge. 

Rey's attention to the bowl was momentarily averted at the sound of Ben's voice. He hadn't been in line for ice cream and yet a female volunteer in an obnoxiously neon pink wig, and lab coat had handed him a small bowl with a smile and was lingering near him. She couldn't hear them clearly, so Rey concentrated on the movement of his plush lips as he smiled back and talked to the lady. 

Ben's smile was crooked, nothing like Rey had seen on the guys that graced the covers of Rose's favorite teen magazines. His smile also sat underneath a nose way too large to be considered conventionally handsome. But nothing about him seemed conventional; he was almost too tall for a doorframe, he hid his big ears behind hair that was almost too long for her liking, and his lips were much more pink and plump than hers. It was all so...so...irritating. 

Rey's train of thought was derailed by Leia's small cold hand being pressed into the middle of her back, asking if she was going to get in line for her own bowl of ice cream.

"I'm going to go to the bathroom, I'll meet you guys in the sanctuary," she blurted with a half-hearted smile and sped back into the building.

It was almost time to come back inside, so Rey settled herself onto the toilet, ready to stay there for a while. She closed her eyes and let the recycled air breeze along her sensitive skin; skin that was supposed to feel familiar but was seemingly turning on her, sending pulses and vibrations through her body and to her brain that had never happened before.

There was a strange ache radiating in her stomach, leaving Rey doubled over her knees, trying to ease the discomfort. She waited until her legs started to tingle from the decreased blood flow to finally move. Rey wiped herself, but before she could toss the toilet paper, she looked at it with the same curiosity that led her to look at tissues after blowing her nose. There was a slimy substance that was much thicker than she was used to. Rey quickly flushed the evidence of the strange bodily change and washed her hands. 

Rey took inventory of her appearance while she looked into the mirror. She wore faded blue jeans and a plain white t-shirt. Her flat brown hair was gathered into a low ponytail, but she tucked the strands that had come loose behind her ears so the small gold studs she was wearing could be seen. It was then that Rey also realized that she wasn't wearing her volunteer badge. Either no one cared enough to mention it, or no one was paying enough attention to notice, and Rey didn't like any of those options. 

It was past 11 when Rey walked out of the restroom, so she made a beeline for the sanctuary. The kids from classroom C were being herded into an open section of pews in the front by Ben as Leia took her place directly behind them. As Rey settled in all the way in the back, far from everyone, Ben took a seat next to a platinum blonde volunteer that Rey had passed earlier in the hall. 

A surge of jealousy spread like wildfire through Rey's veins, making it entirely too uncomfortable to sit still. She shifted her weight onto her feet in an attempt to ground her anxiety, digging into the carpet with the soles of her feet. 

The last time Rey had such an intense feeling was when she overheard Finn's adoption story. Finn was telling Rose how he had been fostered at the age of ten by the Storm's and how they became such a close-knit family that they adopted him as soon as possible. Rey had been so angry that she spent the entire night crying into her pillow, asking God why he hadn't put anyone in her path to love her the way she wanted. 

Jealousy had taken hold, and anger was threatening release in the form of tears, and she didn't know why. Ben wasn't her family, and he was barely her friend.

Rey mouthed the words of a prayer that she hoped would reach Ben and get him to look at her, but he never did.

Once the group was back in their classroom, Leia sent Ben and Rey off to get the snacks. Rey was readying an apology in her head, but she didn't want to be the first one to talk. 

Things were looking up when Ben held his hand out, ushering her through the doorway first, but that was where the courtesy ended. He didn't speak to her, and when she managed to catch his gaze, he only nodded politely. 

Snack time seemed to drag on for hours, and listening to Leia tell the story of Jesus healing a blind man wasn't the only thing grating on her nerves. The metal button of her jeans pressed into her stomach in a new way, and the sleeves of the t-shirt were bunching up, making her hyper-aware of the moisture collecting there. To top it all off, Rey's chest was bothering her so much, that on more than one occasion, she found herself reaching up to cup her nonexistent boobs in hopes to comfort the ache, before swiftly diverting her hands back to her side. 

The day was almost over, so Rey grabbed the box figurines, little yellow light bulbs with pink pigtails, and a big smile. She passed them out to the kids, resisting the urge to look at Ben for any sign of approval. 

Noon came and went, and as the last rowdy child was being picked up by a mother with babies bouncing on each hip, the blonde from the sanctuary appeared in the doorway. Rey had noticed how their shoulders lined up while sitting next to each other, but seeing the leggy blonde in her full-length glory, only served to reignite the frustration that she was trying to hide. 

"Hi, Ben." The peppy blonde stepped into the room, and then Leia and Ben noticed her. Rey busied herself with straightening the chairs back around the desk so she wouldn't have to greet the woman, while Leia seemed all too happy to introduce herself. 

"Hi there. I'm Ben's mother, Leia."

"Leia, yes! It's me, Gwen!" Leia looked the blonde up and down a couple of times before the recognition was visible on her face. 

"Gwen? My goodness, look at you! It's been how long? You're just about as tall as Ben now." The two women laughed as they looked over at Ben, who had shoved his hands into his pockets. 

"Yeah, it's been a while. I went to California to be with Dad, and I usually make it back for winter break so I can enjoy the snow, but I thought I'd switch things up this year." 

"Well we're so blessed you could help out," Leia gave a pointed look to Ben who hadn't even attempted to speak up, "I'm going to go get the supplies for tomorrow, you two can pick up the room while I'm gone." Rey caught the wink that Leia flashed at Ben as she walked out of the room. 

The two of them. Two. In less than two minutes, Leia had forgotten that Rey was even in the room. 

Rey slammed a chair into the side of the table as a reminder that she was in the room, but it was mostly out of anger. The loud clang of metal colliding reverberated in the silent room, and both sets of eyes fell onto Rey.

"Sorry," she whispered, stepping away from the table and folding her hands in front of her. 

Gwen gave a reassuring smile and stepped forward into the room. "Hi there, I'm Gwen, you are?" 

Rey's hand twitched with the urge to smack the condescending smile right off of the beautiful blonde's face, but no one noticed. 

"A volunteer." 

There was a long pause that wasn't interrupted until Gwen realized that she wouldn't be given any more information. 

"Rey is a first-time volunteer," the sudden sound of Ben's deep voice had startled both females, and he smirked at the visible effect it had on them, "she's been a tremendous help to us so far." 

"How cute," Gwen turned her full attention back to Ben and lowered her voice, "I thought you could use some help with cleaning up, though." 

Rey took a step back and watched as Gwen sauntered around the room on the behest of Ben. She would have cried in frustration if it hadn't been for hearing Ben say her name. He hadn't spoken to her all day, and although he still technically hadn't, he had complimented her contribution more than anyone else, and that was enough of a balm to soothe her. Rey replayed his words over and over in her head, watching Gwen giggle at every little thing Ben said to her as they made their way around the room tidying up. They had done a spectacular job of overlooking Rey, but it didn't bother her as much, knowing that Ben was taking notice even if it didn't seem like it.

When Leia returned to the room, arms full of supplies, she passed by Rey and went straight to Gwen, who was still standing very close to Ben. Rey took a deep breath to relax but felt her ears get hot again when Leia invited Gwen to sit with them during the luncheon. The only thing that kept her from having a complete meltdown was that Ben had put his hands back in his pockets. 

Ben led the group out of the room, waiting for Rey to exit last so he could turn off the light and close the door. It took Ben four long strides to catch back up to his mother and Gwen, leaving Rey trailing behind in silence. 

Rey climbed the steps carefully, weighing the pros and cons of staying for lunch. However, the decision was made for her as she watched Gwen casually place her hand on Ben's forearm. Rey made the split decision that she needed to get as far away from the church as possible. 

"I'm sorry," Rey raised her voice for the three adults to hear, "I forgot, my dad needed me home a little bit earlier today. I'll see you guys in the morning." She turned quickly on her heels, barely noticing the quick waves from Leia and Gwen before they got back to their conversation about possible themes for next summer's vacation bible school

Rey hurried across the large foyer, waiting until she pulled open the heavy door to glance back from where she had parted from the group. A cold chill ran down her spine as she met the gaze of Ben, who remained unmoved in the hallway. They both stood motionless, staring at each other before Rey found the strength to push her feet out the door and onto the warm pavement. 

***

Ms. Kanata was out front tending to her garden when Rey walked by. 

“Rey, darling girl, come here.” The little woman called out to her, and she happily obliged. Ms. Kanata had always fascinated Rey; she was under five feet tall, yet had the gruffness and authority of a man over six feet, and the wit and sarcasm of someone in their twenties, all while maintaining the grace and sweetness of a grandma in her sixties. 

“Look at my big girl,” she cooed as Rey stepped up with open arms for a hug, “how has vacation bible school been? That was this week, right?”

“Yeah, it started yesterday. It has its ups and downs, but I like it.”

“Oh yes, it’s very different when you’re in charge. You’re having fun, though?” Rey thought about it for a moment. She certainly had fun yesterday, but the past few hours had been a completely different story. 

“Umm yeah, for the most part. There is this kid Armitage who likes to do the opposite of everything we tell him to do, but Ben is good at getting him to listen.”

“Ben?”

“The other volunteer in the room.”

“You know you can go to the older volunteers if you’re having trouble. It might be a little harder for kids to listen since they see you as one of them but-”

“I’m not a kid,” Rey had interjected a lot more forcefully than she had anticipated. Ms. Kanata didn’t seem to take much offense, she just laughed and waved her hand in the air. 

“Yes, yes, of course. My little Rey is not so little anymore. You’re _thirteen_ , practically a woman.” Rey picked up on the playful sarcasm but wasn’t in the mood to comment on it. She just wanted to go home and stuff her face with whatever was in the fridge. 

Ms. Kanata rested a small hand on Rey’s cheek, “don’t be in such a rush to grow up darling. It’s nice being an adult, but you’ll be one for many years, God willing. You only have a few precious years of childhood.”

Rey just shrugged. Her childhood didn’t feel precious; she was passed from home to home, unwanted, and unloved. She had sometimes imagined what it would have been like if Ms. Kanata had fostered her. She would have spent the warm summer days out gardening and the cold winter nights playing dominos by the fireplace and sipping on cocoa while they listened to Nat King Cole. Ms. Kanata would buy her a brand new backpack every school year and she would go to thrift shop’s for fun and not because she had to. Best of all, they would go to church every Sunday, and Rey wouldn’t have to worry about finding a ride or paying for the different summer camps because Ms. Kanata would take care of that for her. 

“But enough of that, come look at my new shrubs. They’re coming in very nicely.”

The small stone path leading to the side of the house was always fun to hop along, and Rey took advantage of every opportunity to do so. 

“I just planted these a couple of weeks ago, and the flowers look just about ready to sprout.”

“What is it?” 

“Calluna vulgaris, more commonly known as the Scottish heather.” 

“Never heard of it.”

“Well now you have. And in the next week or so, you’ll see them in full bloom.”

Sure, Ms. Kanata was not her foster parent, but whenever she made comments about Rey being able to see plants bloom in the future, it felt like a promise that Rey would still be there. Not a full promise though...more like the aunt of the cousin of a promise. But that was enough to warrant a smile.

“Can’t wait.”

Rey indulged in one more hug before making the short walk back to Plutt’s house, which seemed exponentially less inviting compared to the floral haven of Ms. Kanata’s. 

The house was empty, but Rey had expected as much. She reheated two slices of leftover pizza and ate her way through a bag of chocolate-covered pretzels before sulking off to her room. Rey made it through one chapter of Little Women before resigning to reread the book of scary stories that she had found at a garage sale for fifty cents. 

None of the stories were scary, but they were definitely creepy. The creepiest story was that of a poor girl who buys a dress from a pawn shop so she can go to a party. The girl has the night of her life but is found dead the next day. It turns out that the dress had been stolen off of a dead body, and the dress had somehow poisoned the girl. The girl did nothing wrong. She was just trying to find some happiness in her life, and she died because of it. Every time Rey read that story, she thought of all her possessions; almost everything Rey owned was second-hand. She took pride in her scavenged goods, but it both thrilled and severely creeped her out to think that any of those items could have such a dark and evil history that it would kill her. It crossed her mind as she skimmed the pages of the book that there was nothing in her room that was really truly hers. Every item had a previous owner, a history that didn’t belong to her and that she would never know. 

Every thought that ran through Rey’s mind was becoming too much, and she could feel the tears start to brim around her eyes. She threw the book off the bed and grabbed the precious moments statue off the windowsill, running her thumb over the smooth porcelain figure. Rey curled into herself, the figure still in her hands, and focused on the loud buzzing of the refrigerator as she closed her eyes and drifted off to sleep. 

The familiar smell of french fries woke Rey up. She rubbed her eyes and looked out the open window to see the sun setting. Rey rolled her eyes at the mistake of laying down and hoped that her sleep schedule wouldn’t be completely thrown off. She placed the porcelain figure that had remained safely clutched in her grip back on the windowsill and made her way downstairs. 

Rose was in the kitchen, rifling through bags of fast food that she had brought home for dinner.

“Hey there, sleeping beauty. Plutt wanted me to tell you that he’s got the night shift for the rest of the week, which means Finn is going to be coming over. Okay?” From the sound of Rose’s voice, she wasn’t really interested in any objections, so Rey just nodded and took a seat at the table. 

“How did things go today?”

“Okay. The kids learned about-”

“How much Jesus loves the whole world blah blah blah,” Rose interrupted while shoving a cluster of fries into her mouth, “I meant, how did it go with the boy? Did you talk to him today?” 

“No."

“Like at all?” 

Rey nodded again and started on the hamburger that had been placed in front of her to signal that she didn’t want to talk anymore. 

A couple of minutes later, there was a rhythmic knock on the door that Rey had come to associate with Finn. Rose jumped up to answer it and greeted Finn with a sloppy kiss. 

Finn had always been friendly to Rey, so she was comfortable with him in the house, but it’s not like she was given much choice in the matter.

Rey ate her burger and fries, keeping to herself as Rose and Finn squabbled about high school drama. Her mind drifted off to Ben and what he was probably like in high school. He seemed a bit too reserved and intense to be a part of the popular crowd, but he was big enough to have been the star athlete of any sport he was a part of. 

When the food was all gone, the three of them got comfortable in the dark living room to watch Family Feud, even though Rey knew she should probably just go to her bedroom. She wasn’t tired, though, so she snuggled into the corner of the couch as far as possible from the couple on the other end.

Everything was business as usual; everyone was yelling out their answers to the prompts, and laughing whenever Finn disagreed with someone and passionately insulted them.

A couple of minutes into the second episode, Rey noticed a weird silence settle into the room, and tried her best to sneak a peek at whatever was happening on the other side of the couch. There was a small blanket over Rose’s lap, but it was low enough that she could still see her lap. Rey watched as Finn ran his hand up and down Rose’s thigh, getting extremely close to her private area, a place she knew very little about. Finn’s hand looked much smaller than Ben’s, and the mere thought of it made Rey’s leg twitch.

Rey kept her head facing forward but paid close attention to what was happening in her peripheral vision. Finn’s hand had finally settled high in the crease of her sister’s thigh, and he was moving it in even smaller circles. Rose seemed incredibly happy compared to how Rey felt when Ben first put his hand on her knee. 

Maybe Ben hadn’t done it right. Whatever _it_ was. 

“I’m going to go upstairs,” Rey shot up and left the room as quickly as she could, startling Finn and Rose, “goodnight.” She didn’t like the thoughts swirling around her head and needed to get out of the room fast. 

It was almost 10:00 p.m., but because of the nap, Rey wasn’t even close to being tired. She walked over to her pillow and retrieved the now flattened piece of paper from underneath. She traced over the email twice before turning on the computer she inherited from Rose and logging on to AIM and adding Ben’s email. 

She took in a deep breath before pressing send. 

> **ReyNobody: hi**

After five minutes of staring at the screen with no response, Rey got up to change into her pajamas and brush her teeth. When she got back to her room, a new message was blinking at her. 

> **KyloRen: Hi there ReyNobody.**
> 
> **ReyNobody: why is ur name KyloRen on here?**
> 
> **KyloRen: It's a nickname.**

There were dozens of questions running through Rey’s mind but none of them seemed good enough to type out. 

> **KyloRen: You didn’t message me last night. I was hoping you would.**
> 
> **ReyNobody: I didnt want to annoy you**
> 
> **KyloRen: If I thought you were annoying in any way I wouldn’t have given you my email.**
> 
> **ReyNobody: I guess**
> 
> **KyloRen: But I'm glad you messaged me. I was thinking about you.**

Rey felt her heart skip an actual beat and it wasn’t as romantic as it sounded in stories. It was scary and it hurt her chest. She wanted to know specifically what he was thinking about, but she didn’t have the courage. That, compounded with the guilt that Rey now felt for ignoring him last night, kept her from responding. 

> **KyloRen: I also missed you during lunch.**
> 
> **ReyNobody: sorry my sister needed me home**
> 
> **KyloRen: I thought your dad needed you home.**

Rey looked around the room as if hidden cameras had just caught her for a reality show about liars going straight to hell. 

> **ReyNobody: they both needed me**

Rey quickly typed out her question to avoid any accusations. 

> **ReyNobody: how old are you?**
> 
> **KyloRen: 23**

Rey bit down on her lip so hard she startled herself and tried to keep her panic to a minimum. She definitely couldn’t go to Rose for advice if she needed it. 

> **ReyNobody: oh**
> 
> **KyloRen: Is that too old for you?**
> 
> **Rey: no. remember the neighbor I told you brought me to church for the first time?**
> 
> **KyloRen: Yes**
> 
> **ReyNobody: she’s my friend and she’s a lot older than you**
> 
> **KyloRen: And I’m your friend?**
> 
> **ReyNobody: idk are you?**
> 
> **KyloRen: I thought I was**
> 
> **ReyNobody: you didnt really act like it today. you didnt even say hi to me**
> 
> **KyloRen: You didn’t say hi to me either.**

Ben hadn’t acknowledged how he behaved today but she decided against pressing him on it.

> **ReyNobody: I’m sorry :(**
> 
> **KyloRen: It’s okay Rey**
> 
> **ReyNobody: are you gonna sit with Gwen tomorrow?**
> 
> **KyloRen: Can you keep a secret?**
> 
> **ReyNobody: if it's important**
> 
> **KyloRen: I only sat with her to make you jealous.**

Jealous. He had purposefully made her jealous. Her fist clenched instinctively at the memory of how she had felt when she saw him sit with Gwen. It was not a good feeling and she was confused as to why he would want to do that to her. 

> **ReyNobody: why would you do that??**
> 
> **KyloRen: When you didn't message me I assumed you didn't like me the way I liked you, so I didn't want to push you. I sat with Gwen, hoping you'd notice and talk to me.**
> 
> **ReyNobody: it's kind of hard not to notice you ;-p**
> 
> **KyloRen: You know what I mean.**
> 
> **ReyNobody: yeah...I did want to talk to you but there was that whole imposing intimidating thing**
> 
> **KyloRen: I thought you said I wasn’t intimidating.**
> 
> **ReyNobody: maybe ur a little of both**
> 
> **KyloRen: :)**

It took a moment to process, and it took reading the past couple of messages over and over again to finally get it, but Ben had said he liked her. He liked her. He liked her. 

> **ReyNobody: wait you like me?**
> 
> **KyloRen: Of course I do.**
> 
> **ReyNobody: what do you like about me?**
> 
> **KyloRen: For starters you are absolutely beautiful. I was worried you wouldn’t be very helpful, but you did very well, and then I was watching you have so much fun running around with the younger kids and it just made me like you even more.**

Rey read the words over and over again, her happiness vibrating from the tips of her fingers to her cheeks. That was the first time anyone had ever acknowledged Rey as a source of joy, and even though she would have preferred hearing him say it, she could read the message as many times as she wanted, or even print it out and frame it.

> **ReyNobody: you dont think Im too young to be ur friend?**
> 
> **KyloRen: Age is just a number.**
> 
> **ReyNobody: my sister Rose says that**
> 
> **KyloRen: She’s a smart girl.**
> 
> **ReyNobody: she likes to think so. how old did you think I was before I told you?**
> 
> **KyloRen: Maybe fifteen.**
> 
> **ReyNobody: thanks btw**
> 
> **KyloRen: For thinking you look fifteen?**
> 
> **ReyNobody: XD no! you said I was beautiful**
> 
> **KyloRen: I should be thanking you.**
> 
> **ReyNobody: dont be silly**
> 
> **KyloRen: I'm not. You make it very hard for me to concentrate.**

Rey wanted to jump up but did her best to stay calm and collected. 

> **ReyNobody: i'm still kind of mad at you for trying to make me jealous on purpose**
> 
> **KyloRen: Did it work?**
> 
> **ReyNobody: Ben**
> 
> **KyloRen: It won't happen again. I promise.**
> 
> **ReyNobody: ...okay I believe you.**
> 
> **KyloRen: Good. I don't know what I'd do if you hated me.**
> 
> **ReyNobody: can I ask you a question?**
> 
> **KyloRen: Of course**
> 
> **ReyNobody: why did you put your hand on my leg yesterday?**
> 
> **KyloRen: Did you like that?**
> 
> **ReyNobody: im not sure**
> 
> **KyloRen: Have you thought about it a lot?**
> 
> **ReyNobody: you didn’t answer my question**
> 
> **KyloRen: I did it because I wanted to. Has a guy ever touched you like that before?**
> 
> **ReyNobody: no**
> 
> **KyloRen: Did it feel good?**
> 
> **ReyNobody: it didn’t feel bad**
> 
> **KyloRen: Will you let me do it tomorrow?**

Rey closed her eyes and prayed for the right answer, but the only voice she could hear was Ben’s. 

> **KyloRen: Goodnight Rey.**
> 
> **KyloRen is away at 10:48:20 PM.**

He had logged out before she could respond but she wasn’t worried. He couldn’t be mad at her. He thought she was beautiful and wanted to put his hand on her leg again. 

Rey turned off her computer and absent-mindedly walked out of her room to get a cup of ice to munch on. As she got closer to the living room, she noticed how much louder the TV had gotten.

Peering around the wall at the end of the hall, Rey froze in place when she saw Finn with his eyes closed, leaning back into the couch. Rose was kissing his neck and whispering into his ear but Rey couldn't hear over the TV. Rey tried getting on her tiptoes to see exactly what Rose was doing with her hands and why they were shaking so wildly, but the quiet moan that could be heard during an unexpectedly quiet part of the show caught everyone off guard. Rose had laughed and told Finn to shut up, but Rey was already running back to her room as quietly as she could. 

Rey immediately jumped into bed and covered herself with her blanket. Without thinking about it, she placed her hand down where she had seen Finn put his hand on Rose's leg. There was a strange sensation that pulsed up and down Rey's leg, but she didn't move. After her breathing calmed and her heart rate returned to normal, Rey pressed down into her upper thigh and then moved it from side to side, slowing down the closer she got to the very edge of her inner thigh. She let images of Ben flash through her mind and imagined him whispering in her ear how happy she made him and how beautiful he thought she was. Something was happening in Rey's lower stomach that she couldn't explain. Rey could feel the muscles in her belly tighten, and she squeezed her legs shut in response. Scared of whatever was happening to her body, Rey jumped out of bed and immediately got on her knees and began to pray. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [The scary story Rey reads](https://www.scaryforkids.com/white-gown/#:~:text=The%20White%20Gown%20is%20a,The%20White%20Satin%20Evening%20Gown%E2%80%9D.)
> 
> [What Ms. Kanata is planting](https://www.ftd.com/blog/share/heather-flower-meaning-and-symbolism)


	3. Wednesday

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I recommend all of Timber Timbre's music but you should listen to [Lonesome Hunter](https://open.spotify.com/track/2duY09oVvXOhqnr95LfTzf?si=yu1OsDRVRwOQTFQOi_SX1Q) while reading. Or not, I'm not the boss of you.

It will be as when a hungry man dreams - and behold, he is eating; but when he awakens, his hunger is not satisfied, or as when a thirsty man dreams - and behold, he is drinking, but when he awakens, behold, he is faint and his thirst is not quenched.

_Isaiah 29:8-9_

Rose once told Rey that dreams were like a blender, they took all the sensory input from the day and mixed them with memories to create jumbled scenes too bizarre and nonsensical to retell. Rey had been rambling for ten minutes about an upsetting dream, so she wasn’t sure if Rose was being serious or she just wanted her to stop talking. The dream involved Rey paddling a small raft through turbulent waves to an island she was sure her birth family was waiting for her. The more she paddled, the farther away from the island she got, and she woke up in a cold sweat. 

Rose’s response put Rey off from ever talking about her dreams again, not that she had anyone else to tell or that her dreams were ever notable or worthy of retelling - until today, of course. 

A dream filled with two warm hands caressing her body from top to bottom replayed in Rey’s mind as she slowly woke up, keeping her eyes closed and snuggling deeper into her pillow. Rey hadn’t been entirely conscious as she indulged in the false memory of laying on her side as hands ran slowly over the hip that was just beginning to round, up the arm prickling with new, much darker hair than before, and settling on her collarbone. The hand splayed over her neck as a thumb outlined her jaw. After going back and forth, the thumb slowly made its way to Rey’s eager mouth, her lips slightly parted. Rey noticed the change in pressure as the thumb was lightly pressed into her bottom lip, and she felt the urge to suck it into her mouth. Before she even had the chance, the large hand wrapped around her throat, startling her. She didn’t have to look up to know who those hands belonged to. 

Ben didn’t say anything as his grip tightened, but after what seemed like hours, he loosened it and leaned into her. 

“Do you think you’ve been a good girl?” 

The voice was raspy against her ear, and it made her shiver. 

“Yes.”

His eyes raked over the body that was squirming against him. She moved her hips to brush against his, but they were unsuccessful. She tried again, and she could feel the slightest graze of his pants against hers, but it was unsatisfying. Ben laughed at her attempts and tightened his grip on her neck. Rey felt the moment he jutted his hips forward and pressed into her private area with a pressure that made an unfamiliar sound escape her lips. Ben laughed at her again. 

“Maybe,” he mocked, smirking at her and pressing even harder into her neck with his thumb and index finger, “but you’re not a girl anymore.”

Rey’s eyes fluttered open, and the pressure on her neck disappeared with the sight of her tiny bedroom full of sunlight. The sun was high in the sky, but the birds weren’t chirping like they usually did when she woke up. She looked over at the alarm clock and shot up off her pillow at the sight of the time. 

_11:16_

Panic set in; she had missed vacation bible school, and the dull ache that had made a home in her lower abdomen the past couple of days had seemingly intensified overnight. The slight gush between her legs as she shifted set her on high alert.

Rey moved her legs again at the feeling of wetness underneath her emerald green comforter. It wasn’t pee; she had wet the bed enough when she was younger to know what it felt like. This was something different. 

As if the protagonist in a horror movie, Rey slowly lifted the comforter to reveal the gore underneath. A pool of blood greeted her in the glory of the sunny summer afternoon. Several splotches were scattered on her pajamas and the surrounding area of her bedsheets, varying in size and saturation. There were a couple of dry stains that she was able to identify with slightly darker tints, but most of it was the same bright red she had seen spill out of fresh wounds from common playground accidents. 

“Fuck.” 

The word slipped out before she had the chance to substitute it with the word fudge. Rey didn’t mind when people cursed, and sometimes she even got irritated enough to curse herself, but only ever in her head.

She looked at the clock again, a whimper passing her lips thinking of Ben sitting with Gwen in the sanctuary. 

He was supposed to talk to _her_ today, not Gwen. He was going to be happy watching her help out with the kids. But most importantly, he was going to touch her leg. 

So many possibilities raced through Rey’s mind as an ache morphed into a sharp pain, tightening like a vice around a part of her internal body that she had never paid any attention. It was all becoming too much, and like that, tears were spilling from her eyes. 

Rey carefully swiveled her legs over the edge of the bed, careful to keep her thighs tightly closed in fear of more blood leaking out as she made her way to the computer.

The computer whirred to life as Rey leaned over her desk, wanting to keep off of her wooden desk chair. After a couple of moments, she was logged on and typing out an apology to Ben. 

Rey read the message over a couple of times, fixing the spelling errors and adding punctuation marks. After struggling with where the apostrophe went in the word _couldn’t_ , Rey reworded the sentence and sent it off, knowing that she wouldn’t get a response till much later. 

> **ReyNobody: Ben! I’m so sorry I missed VBS today. I woke up very sick and didn’t wake up on time. I’m not ignoring you I promise. Please don’t be mad at me.**

There was no point in going to church now with less than an hour left, and she still had to clean up the mess. Rey dropped her head in defeat and let a fresh batch of tears roll down her cheeks, waddling back to bed to assess the damage. The spots of blood were still there and remained there no matter how hard she closed her eyes and prayed. She knew what those spots meant; she wasn’t some stupid kid.

A creak somewhere in the house put Rey on high alert, and she lunged forward to rip the fitted sheet off of the bed. It was no easy task, but she was able to skillfully gather the sheet and stuff it under the bed on the off chance that anyone cared enough to come into her room. The stain on the mattress looked disgusting. Rey had a feeling that no matter how hard she cleaned, it would still be there to taunt her. 

She could throw the sheets in the washer, but there was no way she was getting a new mattress. 

Rey made her way to the bathroom without making any noise and made sure to lock the door before rushing to the edge of the shower. The tub couldn’t have been more than a foot off the ground, but she was terrified of opening her legs and blood spilling onto the floor. It took one long and drawn out minute to maneuver herself into the tub with her legs still squeezed together. 

The warm water felt glorious falling onto her tender body, so Rey leaned forward under the cheap showerhead and let the abrasive droplets fall down her back. It took a couple of minutes to finally relax her thighs, and when she did, she watched intently as a crimson streak trailed down her leg and swirled around the clear water and down the drain.

She thought about how she could tell her foster family. She could sit them down together in the living room to disclose her new ailment or tell them separately. Rey didn’t want to have to tell anybody, but Rose had the experience, and Plutt had the money. 

Rey hesitantly washed the space between her legs with the white bar of soap and looked in horror as it came back stained a light pink. Loud banging on the bathroom door startled Rey, causing her to drop the soap. 

“Rose?” The sound of the shower muffled Plutt’s voice, but it was distinct enough to recognize immediately. 

“No.”

“Oh...shouldn't you be at church?”

“No.” Rey braced the wall of the shower as she peaked out from behind the curtain. Plutt’s shadow took up the entire space under the door so she waited quietly for him to leave. 

“Well, I’m going to sleep so you better not make too much noise. And turn off the damn water already. It’s not like you have much to wash anyway.”

Rey counted to twenty-six before moving again. She reluctantly turned off the water after giving her legs one last rinse and tossed the stained soap into the trash. She hurried to her room wrapped snug in her towel and put on a pair of pink underwear and a large Flintstones shirt that her last foster mother let her keep.

As she stood in the middle of her room, figuring out what to do next, Rey thought of a pad. She needed to stop the blood from staining her underwear so she ran back to the bathroom and rummaged around for any pads Rose might’ve had lying around.

Resigned to what was available, Rey wrapped multiple squares of toilet paper around her hand and shoved them into her underwear, hoping that would do the trick until she could buy the actual thing.

There was no new message on AIM when Rey returned to the room, and pacing proved to be as anxiety-inducing as sitting in front of the screen waiting, so Rey wrapped herself in her unstained emerald comforter and read Little Women on the floor. 

Rey managed to read six chapters when a ping on her computer caught her attention. 

> **KyloRen: I was worried about you all morning.**
> 
> **ReyNobody: im sooooo sorry:(**
> 
> **KyloRen: No need to apologize, I was just afraid I had done something wrong and you were mad at me**
> 
> **ReyNobody: not even a little bit! I just dont feel good**
> 
> **KyloRen: Well are you okay? Is someone taking care of you?**
> 
> **ReyNobody: rose is gone and plutt is asleep so i dont want to bother him**
> 
> **KyloRen: He’s your guardian Rey, that’s his job. Do you have a fever?**
> 
> **ReyNobody: no**
> 
> **KyloRen: What is it then? Maybe I could drop something off to help you feel better. I missed seeing you.**
> 
> **ReyNobody: you wouldnt be able to help me**
> 
> **KyloRen: Just tell me and I can figure it out from there.**
> 
> **ReyNobody: im sick it will be ok**
> 
> **KyloRen: Is it your head or your stomach?**
> 
> **ReyNobody: its so embarrassing**
> 
> **KyloRen: I’m your friend, remember? I promise I just want to help you and you’re starting to worry me even more.**
> 
> **ReyNobody: ughhhh Ben!**
> 
> **KyloRen: I’ll find out where you live one way or another Rey. Just tell me what’s wrong and let me help you.**
> 
> **ReyNobody: i started my period OKAY**

Ben had been replying so quickly, but three minutes passed, and he still hadn’t responded. He was an adult, so there was no way he didn’t know what a period was.

> **KyloRen: Is this your first period?**
> 
> **ReyNobody: yes**
> 
> **KyloRen: I’ll take you to the store**
> 
> **ReyNobody: what???**
> 
> **KyloRen: I’m not going to let you suffer through this alone. You need supplies. Let me take you to the store.**
> 
> **ReyNobody: i dont know if thats a good idea**
> 
> **KyloRen: Send me your address**
> 
> **ReyNobody: i dont want to make a mess in ur car**
> 
> **KyloRen: Even if you did I wouldn’t get mad at you. You’re entering womanhood, it’s natural.**

Rey was hoping turning thirteen and volunteering would be the things to make her an adult, but if blood-stained sheets were what was waiting for her behind the door of womanhood, she wanted to hightail it out of there before more changes took place. 

> **ReyNobody: it might be better if i was alone**
> 
> **KyloRen: Where do you live?**

She was delaying the inevitable. He said he would find out one way or another so might as well make it easy for him. 

> **ReyNobody: 113 Jakku Drive**
> 
> **KyloRen: Is anyone home with you?**
> 
> **ReyNobody: my foster dad but hes sleeping**
> 
> **KyloRen: I’ll see you soon.**
> 
> **KyloRen is away at 01:16:04 PM.**

She didn’t know how much time she had before Ben arrived or what he was going to do when he got here, but there was a nagging feeling that led her to tidy up the few items that were lying around. She stretched the green comforter over the unmade bed and double-checked that the sheets stuffed under the bed were not visible from the doorway. 

Picking an outfit was nerve-wracking. Rey decided on her darkest pair of jeans and a white tank top with a small pink flower in the middle of the straight neckline. The outfit wasn’t anything special, but it’s not like Ben had ever seen her in extravagant clothing. She had a couple of nice blouses from Limited Too that took all of last summer to afford because Plutt was only willing to get her clothes from Walmart right before school started. Her Limited Too shirts were saved for church on Sundays and picture day at school, even though no past foster parents had ever wanted to pay for her school pictures no matter how nice she managed to dress.

In the bathroom, Rey tried and failed the three bun look that Rose had tried teaching her. Rey’s sigh fogged up the bathroom mirror, and she settled on a single loose bun. 

Rey tiptoed down to the kitchen, slurped down some apple juice, and then made her way down to Plutt’s room on the other side of the living room. If Rey needed supplies, then she needed to try to get some money from Plutt. It wasn’t technically stealing because it was the money he cashed from checks he got to foster her and Rose. When she was eleven, Rey had asked where the money was going since he wouldn’t buy her a new backpack, and he said he was saving it for when she went to college. She knew that was a lie the second it left his mouth and took some money when he was sleeping.

She prayed about it just in case. 

Plutt’s disgustingly large body was spread out across the king size mattress, and he was snoring in that guttural way that made her nose hurt just by hearing it. The room was carpeted, so there was no need to worry about loud footsteps, but halfway to the small lockbox in his closet where he kept the money, the doorbell rang. Rey froze in her tracks and watched as Plutt huffed and rolled over to his stomach. 

Her heart started pounding. If Plutt caught her trying to take money, he would beat her. 

The doorbell rang again. 

Rose had a key, Finn never rang the doorbell, and no one else ever came to the door. It had to be Ben. 

Rey ran out of the room and pocketed her house key before unlocking the door and shutting it in seconds. 

“Whoa there,” the familiar figure held up his hands as if in surrender and laughed, “I was hoping you’d be happy to see me, but I wasn’t expecting this.”

“I’m not.” Rey blurted out, turning and locking the door. After taking a moment to catch her breath, Rey twisted her head and looked up at the giant figure standing on her front porch. 

Ben was there to help her. He _wanted_ to help her. 

“I-I-I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it like that I just, I meant-” before Rey could finish stuttering out the quasi-apology, Ben turned her body to face him then dropped to the ground to wrap his long arms around her. His embrace was all-encompassing, and for a moment, Rey panicked like a bird cornered into a tiny metal cage. Her chest was flush against him, and her nose nestled perfectly into his neck. She breathed in the scent of sandalwood and eucalyptus and melted right into him. This cage wasn’t cold or uncomfortable; it was warm, inviting, and smelled like the home she had always wanted. 

Ben pulled away and chuckled at the sight of Rey trying to stay in his arms. 

“Come on Dolores,” he smirked and held out his hand, “let’s get out of here.”

Rey took his hand and followed him to the passenger seat of the sleek black car parked behind Plutt’s rusted and worn down pick up truck. There was a red towel folded carefully on the seat that Rey looked at curiously. 

“You were worried you were going to mess up my car so there. You can sit on the towel in peace.”

“Thank you Ben. Really.” She smiled as she slid into the car.

When she was situated with the seatbelt, Ben reached out to stroke her jaw before Glancing around and abruptly shutting the door.

Being in Ben’s car was a strange combination of confusion, excitement, and worry. There were only a handful of times she had been alone in a car with a guy; Plutt, when he took her to a rare doctor's appointment, and Finn a couple of times he and Rose let her tag along to eat or run some errands. 

There was no need to worry, though, Ben was a friend from church.

As they pulled out of the driveway, Rey thought she saw something move out of the corner of her eye, but Ms. Kanata wasn’t out gardening. The cream-colored blinds were open, but Rey couldn’t get a good enough look into the house before they pulled away and drove off. 

Rey tried not to fidget with the hem of her shirt, but the silence was becoming uneasy, and she had no idea what to talk about. 

“Are you okay?”

“Huh?” Rey’s eyes fluttered open, and Ben was doing his best to look at her and the road. 

“I don’t know. You made a noise. Are you in a lot of pain?”

“It’s been off and on since I woke up, but yeah, it hurts a lot.”

That seemed like an understatement. Over the years, Rose had commented many times how her period felt like her uterus was “taking a hacksaw to her vagina." Rey was always too grossed out to ask for clarification, but she still felt bad. She was starting to think she understood what Rose meant even if she didn’t know the difference between her uterus and vagina. It had all been mentally categorized as her “private parts,” and that’s how she liked to keep them, even from herself. 

“You can turn on the radio if you want,” Ben motioned for the dial, “maybe listening to music will help take your mind off it.”

Rey turned the radio to the Christian music station Ms. Kanata had shown her, Spirit 105.3. The familiar voices of Casting Crowns filled the car, but Rey didn’t recognize the song. 

_Be careful little ears what you hear_

_When flattery leads to compromise, the end is always near_

_Be careful little lips what you say_

_For empty words and promises lead broken hearts astray_

_It’s a slow fade when you give yourself-_

Ben reached forward and turned the dial, interrupting the song. Rey was going to protest, but Ben had a weird look on his face that made her decide against speaking up. He changed the station to one that Finn and Rose listened to frequently. 

_I'm gonna make you bend and break_

_Say a prayer, but let the good times roll_

_In case God doesn't show_

Rey settled back into her seat and tried to ignore the toilet paper that was scratching her inner thighs. 

***

The car jerked forward, waking Rey up. She panicked for a moment forgetting where she was and under what circumstances, but the sound of Ben chuckling and the pain in her lower body and chest reminded her. 

“Sorry, foot slipped.” 

Rey looked out the window and saw that they were in the parking lot of a CVS, and she remembered she had no money. There was no time to be subtle or try to hide the pain of not being able to take care of herself, so she cried. 

“Hey, hey, hey, it’s going to be okay. I’m here. I’m here for you Rey.” Ben scooted closer to her and placed his arm over her shoulders, pressing into her chest, but the center console kept their lower halves apart. 

“No, I know,” she sniffled, “I just don’t have any money to get anything, and I don’t even know what it is that I'm supposed to be getting. I’m bleeding out of my private, and on top of all that, my chest hurts, and I’ve cried like five times since I woke up today.” She was starting to ramble, but it didn’t matter. She could be embarrassed later; Rey needed to cry, and Ben let her.

Ben sat in silence for a couple of minutes before Rey’s sobbing turned into sniffles. After a couple of moments, he pulled away and placed his hand under Rey’s chin, lifting it so that she was looking right at him. 

“I can’t even begin to understand what you’re going through right now, but please, sweetie, I’m going to do my best to help you, okay?”

He sounded sincere enough, but it wouldn’t have mattered; Rey was too focused on his extremities and where they were in proximity to her. One arm was still wrapped around her shoulder, a hand was under her chin and caressing her jaw like in her dream, and when either of them breathed deep, their chests rubbed up against the other. 

Rey could have kissed him. The thought crossed her mind, and she flinched, ready to go for it but stopped herself, unsure if Ben would appreciate someone on their period kissing him. She wasn’t sure if there were any etiquette rules to be mindful of, so she decided to wait for him to make a move. He would know best. 

“Let’s go see what we can find,” he smiled encouragingly, finally pulling from the embrace to turn the car off. Rey felt relatively dry between her legs, but she was careful getting out of the car and double-checked the seat to make sure she hadn’t accidentally leaked and stained the towel. 

The aisles were long, and the fluorescent lights were a lot brighter than they needed to be in the afternoon. It made Rey sweat, so she kept her head down and followed Ben’s feet down a couple of aisles before slamming into him. 

Rey looked up to see shelves of colorful boxes with women doing gymnastics on the front and some with flowers. 

“These look like diapers,” Rey whispered, inspecting a pack of overnight pads. 

“I mean, they kind of are.”

None of this was making any sense. According to Ben, she was entering womanhood, but womanhood meant wearing things that looked like something a baby would wear. 

“Ugh, they’re going to look funny, and everyone’s going to know,” Rey nudged her head into the side of Ben’s arm, making sure to keep the rest of her body separate from him. 

“No, no one is going to notice. You just have to get the right ones.”

The two of them spent ten minutes figuring out exactly what the _right ones_ were. Ben made sure to catch her gaze every so often, which he could tell eased her discomfort. 

“What about this?” Rey asked, picking up a box of tampons. There was a strange diagram on the back, but she didn’t have much time to study it before it was snatched away. 

“You don’t need these.”

A flash of panic shot through Rey hearing his change in tone. She was just curious. 

“Why not?”

“Because you have to put these up your vagina. And you don’t want to do that, do you?” 

Rey could feel her face heat up hearing the V-word come out of his mouth. She didn’t like that word, and she didn’t want Ben saying it.

“Have you ever put anything in your vagina?” He sounded accusatorial but smirked, noticing the flush of her cheeks. 

“No! Of course not.”

“So then you probably shouldn’t start now,” he lowered his voice, “save it for a special occasion.”

He didn’t elaborate, which Rey was thankful for. 

They wandered down a couple more aisles with an unexpected but not unwelcome calm, Rey placing whatever items Ben gave her into the basket. 

“Do you need anything else?” 

Rey looked down, inventorying the pads, wipes, pain medicine, and fancy pH balanced water. She opened her mouth to suggest something but decided against it; he would already be spending more money on her than she could pay back any time soon.

“What is it,” Ben asked with a stern voice, sensing she was holding something back. She was more resistant to help than he was expecting, and it was proving to be difficult on his patience. 

“I-I-I need soap, body soap,” was all Rey was able to muster. She noticed how Ben’s eyes widened in surprise at her request, and she immediately felt the burning sensation of embarrassment in her face.

“I just ran out this morning,” she quickly added, not wanting him to think she was some dirty kid.

Fortunately, Ben didn’t make any comments. He looked down at her and tried to convey as much tenderness as possible with his eyes, letting his hand graze up her arm and rest on her shoulder. Rey tensed up with the weight of his hand but tried to smile up at him in case he took that as a sign of displeasure. 

The shuffling of feet in the adjacent aisle broke whatever moment was transpiring between the two. They stayed silent as Ben led Rey to where the body soap was. He took a step back to give her some space to choose but mostly to make it easier to keep his hands to himself, which was proving harder and harder to do. 

Rey thought it best to go for a bottle of liquid soap to eliminate the possibility of staining it with blood. There were a lot of soaps with coconuts, but she had never really been a fan of anything coconut unless it was in the virgin pina colada’s Ms. Kanata would make for her.

It was between a lavender scent and a citrus scent, but Rey couldn’t decide. 

“You choose.” She held up the two bottles to Ben’s nose and let him pick which scent he preferred. Ben gladly stepped forward, sniffed both soaps, and chose sweet honeysuckle and orange peel.

The idea of Ben choosing what body soap she was going to be using triggered the same part of her brain that creeped her out when reading scary stories. She had the faintest instinct to run away, but the smile on his face along with his willingness to help her when he didn’t need to and the thought that he was a friend from church kept her by his side. 

Walking up to the register, Rey noticed the strange look the cashier gave them, but when Ben put the basket on the counter and started taking out the items, the lady gave Rey a sympathetic glance and nodded as if she understood what was going on. 

Rey eyed the various candy bars and found the shiny blue wrapper of her favorite, the Crunch bar. Ben must have been paying close attention because he grabbed two of the bars and handed them to the lady with a self-assured grin. 

It felt like he could read her mind. 

Maybe that’s what happened when you liked someone more than a friend. Only, she didn’t feel like she could read _his_ mind. He seemed just as confusing and mysterious as he did on Monday. 

Thirty dollars later, they made their way back to the car. 

“Here,” Ben said, opening the bottle of Pamprin he had just purchased for her, “take two. It should help with the pain.”

Rey took the medicine and water he handed her without question. 

“How would you feel about getting some food? I really did miss eating lunch with you.”

Too much was going on in her body to properly assess her hunger level, but she hadn’t eaten all day so she suspected as much. 

“I still don’t have any money.”

Ben laughed at the comment and placed the large bag on Rey’s lap. The heaviness of the bag was scary. She would have to buy these things for the rest of her life—what a drag. 

They pulled into the drive-thru of Burger King, and with Ben’s blessing, Rey ordered more food than she had ever had in one sitting. She waited for Ben to stop her or chide her for over indulging and making him spend more money than he needed to like Plutt always did, but it never happened. Ben placed the order and paid with a smile on his face.

Ben drove to a spot a ways off of the main road and parked underneath some trees so they could eat in peace. 

“How do you feel,” he asked, reaching up to intertwine his hands into Rey’s hair as she scarfed down the last of her fries. 

She had never felt more full in her life. The ache in her abdomen had decreased tremendously since taking the medicine. However, her chest was still bothering her, but she assumed nothing could be done about that.

“Much better. I’m so glad you aren’t mad at me."

“Don’t worry about yesterday or this morning. I’m happy that I could be here for you now.”

“Hey Ben,” she rested her head against his hand and looked up at him, “do you know a lot about periods?”

“As much as the next guy I suppose.”

“Does the bible say anything about periods?”

“It does actually. In Leviticus, it says that if anyone touches a woman on her period they’ll be unclean until evening.” Rey flinched back in response. 

Why would the bible say that?

“Touch? Like even how you’re touching me right now?” Ben gave her hair a tug with a smile which eased her nerves. 

“Nobody pays attention to Leviticus anymore anyway. Even if it _was_ a concern, it wouldn’t matter to me. For you, I would gladly be unclean for seven days.”

Rey had never read the passage in Leviticus Ben was referring to so she wasn’t exactly sure what the sacrifice of touching her would mean, but it didn’t matter. Ben could touch her hair and knees all he wanted and wouldn’t be seen as unclean. 

“And that other box from the store, the stick looking thing, what was that?”

“Tampons.” 

“And those are bad?”

“It’s complicated. I just don’t think you should use them right now.”

“You said they go up the….the private part?” Rey whispered which made Ben laugh. 

“Vagina, Rey. They go up your Vagina.”

Rey cringed at the V-word coming out of his mouth. 

“Can you please stop saying that word.” Rey fiddled with the lock on the car door and thought about hopping out to stretch her legs. 

“I could say cunt. Would that make you feel better?” 

Rey was quiet; she had never heard that word before but it sounded strange.

She studied his face and he seemed genuine with his question so she put serious thought into answering. 

Cunt.

V-v-vagina.

Cunt. 

Private Part.

Cunt. 

Cunt. 

Rey started repeating the word so many times in her head that one slipped out under her breath. She didn’t stutter when saying it, so that was already an improvement. The only hang-up was that she had never heard the word before, even from Plutt or Rose, and she heard just about every possible combination of curse words come from them. 

“Maybe we shouldn’t say _any_ of those words.” Rey finally settled. 

“Maybe you’re right.” Ben tugged on her hair one last time before untangling his fingers and shutting off the car. 

“How ‘bout a walk? We don’t have to walk too far,” Ben chuckled, noticing the unease on Rey’s face, “just to the water over that clearing. There’s a small restroom down there if you want to take your stuff.” Rey sighed in relief and followed Ben down the path with her plastic bag rustling at her side. 

“This place is beautiful,” Rey raved once they got to the creek and watched intently as the sunlight danced atop the water. She had an urge to jump in before remembering the wad of blood-stained toilet paper still jammed between her legs. 

“Yeah it is, and it’s peaceful too. You know it’s actually a fresh spring-fed creek and if you follow that little runoff there it leads into the Ahch-To river.”

“Why is it called _Sunny Beach_ then,” Rey challenged, pointing to the sign welcoming them and listing off a few rules and how the city is not liable for those who go swimming without a lifeguard present. She was confused when Ben laughed, but when she made a face at him, he assured her he wasn’t laughing _at_ her. 

“You’re right, it’s weird. I think they call it that since there’s a little patch of sand down there by the picnic tables. The actual body of water though is a creek.”

“A spring-fed creek called _Sunny Beach_ that leads to Ahch-To river. Nice,” Rey joked, and reveled in the hearty laugh that came from Ben.

Rey made her way to the restroom with Ben by her side picking up a couple of rocks from the path and throwing them out into the water. The first rock only skipped once, but the second one skipped four times which amazed Rey. 

When they made their way down to the restrooms Ben assured her that he’d be right outside for moral support or if she needed something. She pictured Ben trying to help put on a pad which made her giggle.

In the stall, Rey situated herself on the toilet, careful not to let the wad of toilet paper fall onto her pants. There weren’t many white spots left on the paper, but she pinched one end and threw the clump into the small trash can beside her. After a couple of minutes figuring out the right placement for the pad and wiping her private area until there was no blood coming off of the wipe, Rey felt satisfied. 

The pad was soft and had a fresh scent that lingered in the air. 

Ben was waiting right at the entrance like a large puppy, his brown eyes glistening with eagerness and his shaggy hair wagging happily in the breeze. 

They made their way to the patch of sand and Rey took the spot next to him, careful not to touch him. 

It was quiet with the exception of the rustling water and the occasional snapping of leaves and dead branches off in the distance. 

"So, Rey, what do you like to do for fun?" Ben asked, playing with the sand around them. 

"Hmm lots of stuff I guess, but mostly I read."

"Really? How mature of you. I don't even know many adults who read for fun."

"I'm in a book club at school that has like 20 students and we all like to read. Well, it kind of depends on whatever book the teacher chooses how many of us participate in the group discussion, but I read all the books. You’re just hanging around the wrong people.”

"You’re probably right,” Ben chuckled, “what kind of books do you like to read?"

Rey watched the bump in Ben’s throat move up and down with every word he spoke but he still wasn’t looking at her.

"Umm... any book really. It’s a whole new world, a whole new adventure! The last book we read was Alice's Adventure in Wonderland and that was a lot of fun. The teacher told me to try reading Little Women for the summer since none of the other kids wanted to read it during the year and I really like it so far. _But,_ what I really like reading," Rey lowered her voice, "are those scary books like Goosebumps and Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark." She was sincere in thinking she had just revealed some dirty secret which made Ben laugh. 

“What are you laughing at?"

"Why did you whisper?"

"I don't know,” Rey tossed a handful of sand in Ben’s direction which finally made him look at her, “some of those books have witches and devils and stuff.”

“Afraid Jesus is going to hear you? I hate to break it to you, but he already knows. It doesn’t matter anyway, all that stuff is in the bible. The devil, hellfire, witches, human sacrifice, animal sacrifice, sex, adultery, bestiality, incest, rape...all in the bible.” 

There were a couple of words at the end that Rey didn’t quite understand but obviously Ben thought she was smart enough to know what they meant so she didn’t ask for clarification. She put them in the back of her mind to look up later at home.

“Even if they are, I’ve never heard anyone talk about it at vacation bible school.”

Ben conceded and let Rey lead the conversation away from the ‘devils and stuff.’ 

They spent the next hour trading titles of books, and movies they enjoyed and pretending the sand was a deserted island and listing off the items they’d want to have with them and the first thing they’d want to eat once they got off the island. It was the most fun Rey had talking to anyone in her life.

As time passed sitting on the sand, Rey’s butt and back became sore and she alternated between leaning back on her hands and hunching forward. A couple of minutes into their conversation on the first meal they’d want to eat after getting off of the deserted island, Ben uncrossed his long legs and called out to her. 

He had only said her name but she understood the unspoken request. Like a newborn fawn, Rey wobbled as she stood and let the blood rush back to her legs. She sat in the open space between his legs with a respectable distance between her back and his chest, but without warning, he grabbed her waist firmly and scooted her further up until she was pressed up against him. 

“Here, now you can relax against me.” 

Rey couldn’t say anything. She finally felt relief in her back, but she was too close to him. She could feel Ben’s heartbeat against her neck, and it didn’t help that his hands were still gripping her waist. 

“Are your cramps still bad?”

“What?”

“Cramps. The pain you’re feeling here,” Ben moved his hands down to her hips and pressed into them, his long fingers dangerously close to her private area. A rush of adrenaline coursed through Rey and she pushed his hands off and scooched forward ready to jump up, but he wrapped an arm around her waist before she could. 

“Whoa there! Just Relax Rey, I just wanted to know if you were in pain.”

Rey couldn’t see his face but she could hear the hurt in his voice and felt guilty. She kept her eyes on the water and went slack to allow him to drag her body back against his. 

“Sorry. You just y-you scared me a little.”

He moved one of his hands up to her chest while he wrapped the other around her like a seatbelt. She was back in the tiny cage and it was less inviting than the first time he had put his arms around her. 

“Is this okay?”

Rey didn’t know exactly what she was supposed to be okay with so she just nodded. 

“Shhh shhh, relax Rey. Your chest has been hurting for a while hasn’t it?”

She hadn’t realized she was making noises so she didn’t respond, flush with embarrassment and some other feeling she didn’t recognize. Now that he mentioned it, she had noticed her chest bothering her the past couple of days, no, weeks - and whatever Ben was doing was finally alleviating the pain. 

Rey looked down and watched the veins in his hands move around. She could feel the heat of his hand through her tank top and breathed through the relief that washed over her with every undulation. There was nothing really for him _to_ grab but he seemed to be doing a good job. With his attention on her right breast, Rey noticed her left nipple poking out from underneath the shirt which usually only happened when she was super cold. She didn’t know what was happening to her body, and even though she liked the idea of being Ben’s friend, she couldn’t shake the feeling that what he was doing wasn’t normal. 

A casual pass over her nipple caused Rey to shudder and distract her from her current train of thought. She could feel the vibrations of Ben’s humming deep in his chest as if he was purring with approval.

“My little Dolores likes that, doesn't she?” He was right in her ear then, the soft skin of his lips brushing up against her. Ben used a single finger to pass her nipple again, causing the same shudder. 

Whatever Ben was doing was starting to overstimulate her and it took all of her energy to think of anything other than the strange tingle between her legs. 

Rey tried wiggling her body away from him just to see if she could, but his grip was too tight. She wiggled again noting the sound that he grunted out. 

The sound he made entranced Rey. It reminded her of the sound she made when eating cookies and cream ice cream only much more distressed. She liked that sound coming from Ben - loved it even, and was eager to hear it again. 

Something thick pressed up against her back so she focused on that, and found it to be the source of whatever sound Ben was making. A meager whimper fell from Rey’s lips causing Ben to push up against her more aggressively. She was nervous when Ben’s breathing turned into erratic puffs of air into her neck but before she could ask if he was ok, he froze. She felt the thickness pressed against her lower back soften before Ben shot up from where they had been sitting. He turned without saying anything and started walking to the restroom. 

“Where are you going?” Rey pleaded, ready to follow after him. 

“Stay here.” Ben’s harsh command gave her whiplash but she watched him walk into the restroom and didn’t turn her head back to the water till she heard the slamming of the stall door. 

Different parts of her body were still tingling from whatever had just happened so she synchronized her breathing with the water ebbing back and forth from the sand in hopes of calming down. The heat of Ben’s body became painfully obvious in its absence, and Rey tried to take pleasure in the breeze that flowed under her tank top and cooled the patch of sweat that had formed on her lower back and neck.

Rey turned to face the restroom as soon as she heard the door open but Ben was already looking down at his feet. She watched him carefully as he made his way to her, his large hands tucked away in the pockets of his jeans. When he stood beside her, he finally lifted his head but turned his attention to the water. Rey took the opportunity to look into his eyes without the pressure of his intense glare back at her. The color of them hadn't changed, but somehow they seemed much darker to Rey. 

Rey didn't want to be the first one to talk, unsure of whether to ask the dozens of questions she had regarding what had happened between them and changing the subject as he seemed to want to do.

When he finally looked down at her, Rey flinched in surprise, causing Ben to Chuckle.

The word unfair floated around in Rey's mind. It was unfair how Ben made her feel such strange, involuntary things in different parts of her body. It was unfair how much pleasure he obviously got from seeing her helpless to her feelings. Most importantly, it was unfair that she would have to deal with a period every month for the rest of her life.

Without saying anything, Ben reached out his hand and helped Rey up her spot in the sand. Rey shook the sand off her body and followed as Ben as he ushered her through the clearing and back to the car. On the way back home, Ben allowed Rey to change the radio to the Christian music station. The recognizable music comforted Rey and she was able to hum along to the songs, making Ben smile. 

A blue Honda was parked in the driveway by the time Ben pulled in and before he could ask, Rey told him who it belonged to.

“That’s Finn’s car.”

“Who’s Finn?” 

Ben looked serious again. That seemed to be his favorite look. 

“He’s Rose’s boyfriend.”

“He a good guy?”

“Finn? Oh yeah. He’s really funny whenever we watch TV and he’s nice to my sister and to me.”

“Good, good,” Ben muttered and turned off the radio, “that’s good. Goodnight then.”

Rey noticed how white Ben’s knuckles were getting, gripped tightly around the steering wheel. She reached out her hand as a peace offering but he didn’t reach back. She had run through a couple of scenarios in her head how they would say goodbye, but this was not one of them and she could have cried right then and there if she wasn’t worried about why Ben was so tense. She collected her things and reluctantly got out. 

Rey lightly swung the door by bumping it with her hip not wanting to close the door. “I forgot to ask earlier but uhhhh did you ummm, did you sit with Gwen today at church?” 

“Yes.” His answer was curt and afforded her no further explanation. 

“Oh, ok. Thank you again for everything Ben,” she sighed, closing the door before he could say anything else. 

There were so many other things Rey wanted to say, wanted to do. She wasn’t expecting fireworks or a confession of love but it all seemed a little anticlimactic. She thought about all of it as she dragged her feet to the front porch and watched Ben pull away. When his car was out of sight Rey pulled the key out of her pocket and turned to unlock the door when something moved in her peripheral vision. 

Ms. Kanata’s small body was in the entryway of her side door. She gave a friendly wave but Rey ignored it. Nothing had happened in the car with Ben, still, the unmistakable feeling of guilt washed over her as Rey hurried inside and slammed the door shut with a huff.

She was greeted by Finn, who was on the couch eating pizza and watching Wheel of Fortune. 

“Hey peanut, did someone drop you off? I saw headlights,” his mouth still full. 

“Hmm,” was all Rey could mumble making sure the CVS bag was out of his field of view. Rose peaked out from behind the freezer door and eyed the bag right away. 

“Well well well, Harvey Keitel, nice of you to show up. Where’ve you been?”

“I don’t have a curfew,” Rey defended with as much authority as she could muster, “and don’t pretend like you care.” She heard her sister yell out that she was joking and that there was still pizza but Rey didn’t respond. She wanted to slam her door shut but decided against it on the tiny chance Rose would come to check on her.

Rey threw herself onto the bed and took a deep breath. 

It was so confusing being Ben’s friend. He seemed to be in a good mood when they got back in the car and they didn’t really talk that much on the drive over but Rey still replayed everything that happened to the best of her ability for any indication of what caused his weird mood. 

When running through the day no longer distracted her from the intense feeling near her hips, she took another dose of the Pamprin like Ben had reminded her to do. 

She was still disgusted with the blood that leaked down her leg into the shower drain but she used the soap that Ben picked out and the smell comforted her.

Along with her pajamas and clean pair of underwear, Rey put on the extra-long pad Ben suggested would be better for night time.

Everything seemed to run smoother than it had in the morning all thanks to Ben.

***

Rey’s stomach growled a little after eight so she quickly finished the sudoku puzzle she was working on and made her way to the kitchen. 

Rose was laying down on the couch with her head on the armrest of the couch with her legs resting over Finn’s lap. Rey didn’t notice Rose was asleep till she was settling in the recliner with her pizza and warm coke. 

While Finn was flipping through the channels, Rey watched as his right hand ran up and down the leg of her sleeping foster sister. He never lingered too long on one spot but it fascinated her. Would Rose be okay with him touching her like that while she was unaware? If Rose wasn’t okay with Finn touching her then she wouldn’t have fallen asleep so close to him, right?

“Finn?”

“What’s up?” He asked absentmindedly without taking his eyes off the screen.

“Did Rose ever give you permission to touch her like that?” Rey tried sounding more curious than accusatory, but Finn still froze in surprise. 

“What?”

“Like, when you guys started dating, did Rose ever tell you specifically when it was okay to touch her? Not in like a weird way, just like...umm I don’t know like putting your hand on her knee or shoulder.” Rey noticed the slow way he took his hand off of Rose and put it to the side. 

“Umm not really no.”

“No, she never gave you permission?”

“Well yeah but that’s not really how it works. When you’re in a relationship with someone you don’t really ask for permission to do anything. I mean don’t get me wrong, if someone says they don’t want to do something then you don’t do it, but no one is really going around asking their boyfriend or girlfriend if they’re allowed every touch...you know?” Rey finished off her coke while she listened, trying to understand the rules. 

“I guess. And what about if he’s not your boyfriend?”

“Well,” he continued hesitantly, “is the person trying to touch you a stranger?”

“No. It’s someone I’m getting to know. I mean,” Rey panicked at the slip-up, “metaphorically. I just mean in general.”

“Hypothetically. Not metaphorically.”

Rey nodded her head at the correction, too flustered to try to explain herself anymore. She listened to Finn ramble on for another couple of minutes about stranger danger which Rey rolled her eyes at. She had already heard that spiel from teachers at school but she was unwilling to give him any more information about her and Ben’s situation. Luckily for Rey, Rose started to squirm, stopping him mid-sentence. 

Rey’s eyes widened in hopes that Finn would understand the conversation was over and he did. Rose stretched out her arms and looked between the two of them in confusion. 

“Why are you guys watching the TV on mute,” she asked through a yawn. Finn just laughed and unmuted it with no further questioning from Rose. They did, however, bicker about what to watch while Rey grabbed more pizza. The Princess Bride was playing when Rey sat back down, a large grin on Rose’s face signifying her victory.

***

It was almost midnight when Rey jolted awake on the recliner. The three of them had fallen asleep before the movie finished so Rey needed to wake Finn up to leave before Plutt got home, even though Rey wasn’t sure when that would be. 

Finn was a little groggy when he finally untangled himself from the sleeping girl on the couch but a quick shot of coke woke him enough to get into his car and wave goodbye to Rey without a single yawn. 

After Rey locked the front door and put a cover over her still sleeping sister, she wobbled to her bedroom and turned on her computer. The bright light of the screen made Rey shut her eyes in panic and she fumbled for a moment turning the brightness down with only one eye partially open. 

Ben was online when AIM finally loaded. She was happy to see his username but wondered what he could be doing online so late at night. She was getting ready to ask him when his message popped up first. 

> **KyloRen: What are you doing up so late?**
> 
> **ReyNobody: i was gonna ask you the same thing**
> 
> **KyloRen: I’m perusing the internet.**
> 
> **ReyNobody: what are you “looking at in a casual manner”**
> 
> **KyloRen: Did you seriously look that up the definition of peruse just now?**
> 
> **ReyNobody: XD**
> 
> **KyloRen: Cute.**
> 
> **KyloRen: Do you think you’d feel well enough to come to church tomorrow?**
> 
> **ReyNobody: probably...but now that i think about it im a little nervous im going to stain my pants or something and everybodys gonna see**
> 
> **KyloRen: Make sure you bring a bag with pads and an extra pair of underwear and pants just in case. I was kind of hoping we could hang out again.**
> 
> **ReyNobody: when?**
> 
> **KyloRen: Sometime after church. We could skip the luncheon and just hang out.**

She was quick to type out a yes but hesitated at the thought of missing out on a free lunch.

> **Kylo Ren: I would feed you of course. That’s only fair.**
> 
> **ReyNobody: I would like that**
> 
> **KyloRen: Great. Rey, you know you can’t mention this to anyone, right?**
> 
> **ReyNobody: i can’t tell anyone we’re friends?**
> 
> **KyloRen: No, it’s ok if people know we’re friends but I thought we were special friends now, and we should keep that to ourselves.**
> 
> **ReyNobody: because what happened at sunny beach?**
> 
> **KyloRen: Yes**
> 
> **ReyNobody: what did we do that was bad?**

As soon as Rey hit enter she rushed to her bible, praying she would find the information she wanted right away. Leviticus came to mind, the bible verse Ben had mentioned earlier in the car.

There was a ping alerting her that Ben had responded but she stayed curled on the floor with her bible. After skimming a dozen or so pages on offerings, animal sacrifices, and leprosy, Rey found a section on uncleanness. She read through all of chapter fifteen twice and felt uneasy. If a man touched a woman during her period then he would be unclean for the evening, but if a man had sexual relations with a woman on her period he would be unclean for seven days. 

Rey thought back to the past year when the church had a purity ring event for teens. She had overheard a group of adults talking about how the event was necessary because of the repercussions of having sex ed taught in school. Talking about sex leads to thinking about sex, and if you were thinking about sex then you were going to start having sex. The group of parents then went on about the terrors of pornography but once they started talking about that she continued down the halls of the church praying that she’d never think of sex until she was married - when it was safe. 

Rey felt guilty. With all the talk of getting her period and about private parts, she got Ben thinking about sex, which was as much a sin as actually doing it. She was making him sin and that’s why nobody could know. 

There was another ping. Rey took her bible with her back to the desk and read over the messages. 

> **KyloRen: I think it’s better if we talk about this tomorrow.**
> 
> **KyloRen: Rey I know you’re there**
> 
> **ReyNobody: ya we can talk about it tomorrow**
> 
> **KyloRen: Great.** **Sweet dreams Rey**
> 
> **KyloRen is away at 11:59:25 PM.**

Rey slept so much during the day she was surprised she yawned after turning the computer off and got ready for bed. 

She didn’t have a red towel like Ben, but there was a dark grey towel folded haphazardly above the dryer that Rey laid on top of the bed just in case. 

After another minor adjustment of her underwear to make sure the pad was lined up perfectly, she laid down on the towel and wrapped herself in her fluffy green comforter. She tried replicating what Ben had done to her chest at Sunny Beach but it didn’t feel quite the same. Rey moved her thoughts along to the dream she had the previous night, and let her hands wander down her waist to her hips. The weird feeling in between her legs was coming back the closer she got to her inner thigh, but when she got too close to her inner thigh, she yanked her hands out from underneath the blanket and placed them at her sides. So focused on resisting the urge to bring her hands back between her legs, Rey forgot to pray for herself. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [The song playing on the Christian radio station](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0wo26sCH-Fw)  
> [The song Ben changes it to](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=onzL0EM1pKY)  
> [Well well well, Harvey Keitel](https://youtu.be/C7r_C_-hu40) (This quote is anachronistic because it's a reference to a show that came out in 2009, but it's more of a reference from me to you than Rose to Rey XD) 
> 
> Fun fact, I was only allowed to listen to Christian music growing up with the exception of Christmas music, but Dance, Dance by Fall Out Boy was one of the first secular songs I heard when I got my own pocket radio (geez that makes me sound so old.) That band has had a special place in my heart ever since.


	4. Thursday

Better is open rebuke than love that is concealed. Faithful are the wounds of a friend, but deceitful are the kisses of an enemy. 

_Proverbs 27:5-6_

  
  


Waking up was bittersweet. Rey was eager to see how Ben would treat her at church, but she was not ready to spend the day worrying about her new ability to bleed out all day without dying. The towel she slept on was stain-free, and so was her underwear, which was already a significant improvement from the previous morning. 

Showering with the new orange citrus and honeysuckle soap was exhilarating. Rey found it very hard not to think of Ben while washing her body, and she did her best not to let her hands linger in any particular spot for too long. Once she was out and dry, she slipped on her favorite pair of black gaucho pants and a light green t-shirt. 

Packing the patchwork hobo bag that Rose had handed down to her was mildly stressful. She didn’t want to overpack and draw attention to a bulky bag, but she didn’t want to under pack and end up needing to come home early. She folded up two pairs of underwear and shoved them into the bottom of the bag, a handful of pads, the bottle of Pamprin, and the pack of wipes. If worse came to worse, the bag was long and big enough to cover her butt. 

Rey tiptoed to the kitchen and eyed Plutt sleeping on the couch where she had tucked in Rose. Rey filled a stray cup with the metallic water from the kitchen sink and swallowed two pills without making much sound. 

Making her way through the living room, Rey wondered where Rose had gone. She wasn’t curled up on the couch with Plutt, and there hadn’t been any other noise in the house except her own all morning. 

A garbled snore from Plutt scared Rey, and she scurried out of the house and down the driveway. Once she was at the end of the street, Rey took a deep breath and was able to enjoy the rest of her walk. She had always enjoyed her morning walks to church; there were hardly ever any cars on the road, so if it was quiet at just the right time, she could hear the wind whistling along the trees. 

It was 8:30 a.m. when she arrived at church, leaving enough time for breakfast. There were still volunteers chatting around the table, but no one seemed to pay Rey any extra attention. She silently stuffed some grapes into her mouth and slathered a bagel with strawberry cream cheese while listening to the adults talk about some senator from Illinois running for president. 

By the time Rey made it down to the basement, it was teeming with volunteers, parents, and children of all ages. 

"Miss Rey! Where were you yesterday!" A little girl with a sunflower dress called out to her as soon as she walked in. Rey straightened her back and smiled. _Miss Rey_. She liked the sound of that.

“Hi, Jannah. I uh I didn’t feel good yesterday-”

“Oh Rey,” Leia exclaimed, turning from the two kids she was entertaining, “what happened? We were so worried about you, but you didn’t have a phone number listed on your volunteer form.” 

Rey looked around, but Ben wasn’t in the room. She flashed a courtesy smile at Leia, who was staring down at her, but hesitated to answer; she didn’t want to lie, but she would have to talk to Ben before saying anything. Fortunately, a screaming child came bounding into the room, followed by his half-asleep father. 

With Leia distracted, Rey moved across the room and busied herself with the other children. 

Ben walked in at 9:00 a.m., right as Leia began the lesson for the day. Some of the kids called out to him and grabbed him as he walked past, making Rey laugh at his attempts to stay upright. 

“Excuse me, everyone,” Leia raised her voice above the giggles of the kids who were hanging onto Ben’s legs, “right now is not playtime. Today is a new day to hear all about Jesus and when he resurrected - hey, quiet down.”

The kids reluctantly let go of Ben and settled down. Ben made his way to the back of the room right next to Rey. She felt her knees go weak at the sight of his crooked smile but was able to keep her composure for the rest of the hour, helping kids use safety scissors and reminding them how to spell ‘courage’ and ‘Psalm.’ 

The situation below Rey’s waistband was manageable, but the occasional feeling of blood leaking out of her was still so strange.

At 10:00 a.m., the kids lined up behind Ben and followed him down the hallway. Rey felt another slight gush between her legs and decided to stop by the restroom before they could make it outside. 

There were no stains on her underwear, but she changed the spotted pad as a precaution. She carefully cleaned herself up with baby wipes then wadded up the thin toilet paper to dry her private area. Her cunt, as Ben called it. As she wiped, a familiar tingle shot through her core, startling her. She was still for a moment, listening out for anyone who might have come into the restroom while she was distracted. There were hundreds of thoughts racing around in Rey’s mind, all of them too muffled for her to understand what she wanted to do in that moment.

She tried zeroing in on one as she pressed her hand back against herself. A strange pressure built in her chest and her hips seemed to move of their own accord as she began rubbing against herself - with purpose this time. 

_My little Dolores likes that, doesn’t she?_

The thought of Ben whispering into her ear sent a shiver down her spine, and she did her best to stay quiet as her hips rolled against the toilet seat. She imagined herself back at Sunny Beach, the warm sand underneath her, and Ben’s arms around her. Ben...with his pouting lips. 

_You are absolutely beautiful_. 

She smiled at the rasp in his voice as the imaginary sound waves drowned every thought out. 

_I just want to help you._

Rey chased the feeling bubbling inside her, even though she didn’t know what exactly she was chasing. The toilet seat squeaked under the increased movement, catching Rey off guard. A sudden wave of shame overcame her, causing her to yank her hand out from between her legs. She stared in horror at the bloody mess left behind from the toilet paper crumpling in her grasp and struggled to keep from gagging as she made quick work of pulling her pants back up. 

An intense throbbing sensation threw Rey off balance as she stood to flush. She had to lean against the wall for a couple of seconds before regaining enough composer to dart out to the sink.

She pumped soap into her hand until it overflowed in her palm and trailed down her forearm. She was unsure if the evidence of her misdeeds were washing away but pushed through with the righteous fear that everyone might know what she had done - what she wanted to keep doing. Rey would have washed with scalding water until her skin peeled, but the bathroom door swung open, and a group of girls only a year younger walked in talking amongst themselves. Thankfully, none of them smiled or stared at Rey for too long, and she was able to dry her bright red hands and walk out with her head down.

Rey scolded herself for being so disgusting at church. She had...touched herself. She knew what to call it, but she pushed the word out of her mind and shoved open the door to the outside in frustration. 

It was jarring on her nerves going from the quiet hallway to the outside where almost every kid was speaking at a shrill volume, but Rey was thankful she could barely hear herself think since her mind kept wanting to wander back to what had happened. 

Rows of tables filled the lawn behind the church, and groups of children were busy constructing homemade lava lamps while other kids ran around on the field.

Rey eagerly scanned the area for familiar faces and spotted Ben’s tall frame sitting with the rest of their class, and made her way to join them. 

“Armitage, for the last time, you’re not supposed to drink the vegetable oil,” Ben pleaded with the seven-year-old who was maniacally laughing and threatening to chug his mixture of water and vegetable oil. Rey couldn’t help but giggle when Ben sighed and turned his attention to Jannah, who was seated right next to him. 

“Mr. Ben, can you help me put the oil please.” 

“Here,” Ben huffed out, reaching around the little girl and grabbing the funnel near her, “it’ll help if you use this.” 

Rey wanted to lunge forward and rip Ben’s arm away from Jannah, but she stayed quiet, shifting her weight from foot to foot. She was unsure if her anger stemmed from jealousy or concern; all she knew was that she didn’t want to see or think about Ben touching anyone else. 

Ben’s arm was back at his side in less than ten seconds, funnel in hand. Just as he began pouring the oil, Armitage bolted from the table with his bottle, laughing and begging for Ben to chase him. Rey took that as an opportunity to make her presence known and relieved Ben of his duties, allowing him to pursue Armitage. A couple of other boys uninterested in finishing the craft followed and did their best to knock the redwood of a man over. 

Rey spent the rest of the time walking around the table, helping the kids who called out to her, and peaking at Ben every chance she got. Jannah tried to get her attention on several occasions, but Rey ignored her out of spite. 

When it was time to transition to the sanctuary, Rey took her usual seat in the back and watched Ben seat the kids into the front pews. She thought back to Monday and couldn’t believe how quickly things had changed between them. Rey felt like she knew so much about Ben while knowing nothing at all. Despite the uncomfortable and confusing feelings regarding her very tall and handsome new friend, she waited eagerly for his warm body to be close to hers; his large hands slowly moving up her- 

Gwen’s presence in the sanctuary snapped Rey out of her daydreaming. Gwen’s hips swayed with every step down the aisle, and Rey felt another surge of jealousy. Rey’s heartbeat quicked the closer Gwen got to Ben, but she moved past him at the last moment, barely grazing his shoulder. He didn’t seem bothered, but when Gwen turned into the pew, Rey saw the look of annoyance on her face.

Once the video started and all of the kids quieted down, Ben made his way to her. Rey didn’t want to seem too eager or nervous, but as he sat down and placed a hand above her knee, she couldn’t help but tremble. Ben wasn’t looking at her, but she knew he felt it. 

They both stood for praise and worship, and Rey danced along perfectly to every song despite being mildly distracted by the flailing Ben was trying to pass off as dancing. She wasn’t able to keep in her laughter for too long, and he retaliated by grabbing her hips and tickling her. Rey squirmed under his touch and did her best not to make too much noise. He didn’t relent until they heard the door open behind them, and he kept his hands to himself for the remainder of their time in the sanctuary. 

Rey was still riding the high of Ben grabbing her hips when they were sent to get the snacks. Ben was his usual quiet self as they made their way to the kitchen, but Rey was getting antsy to hear his voice. She was debating asking questions to get to know him better, like his favorite color or if he had a job, but what Rey really wanted to know was if he thought about her as much as she thought about him. 

“Leia doesn’t know we hung out yesterday, right?” Rey asked once they were far away enough from the classrooms. She was walking close beside him to observe his expression and gauge his reaction. 

“No, she doesn’t,” he said, matter of factly. 

“Because she was asking me about what happened, but I didn’t say anything.” 

“Okay.”

“Why didn’t you tell her you were going to help me? It was very sweet of you. I’m sure she wouldn’t have minded.”

“She would’ve just kept asking questions. Trust me, Rey. For now, it’ll be much easier if we keep the things we do a secret.” 

They were still alone in the hallway, but Rey could hear people laughing off in the distance. 

“What do you call what we did? I know it wasn’t sex but-” 

“Hey,” Ben hissed, “you need to keep your voice down.” He grabbed for her elbow before she could walk any further and immediately looked in both directions of the hallway to make sure it was just the two of them. His grip wasn’t tight, but Rey didn’t like the displeasing tone in his voice. She was able to wiggle out of his grasp easily and crossed her arms across her chest as if that would protect her. 

“I-I-I’m sorry,” she stuttered, unsure of what to say but desperate for time to think of a good excuse. He didn’t say anything back to her, but his nervous expression alerted her to the fact that she had messed up. 

They picked up the snacks in silence as if nothing had happened, and Rey made sure not to get too close to him as they walked back to the room. 

The last hour of VBS passed by smoothly, considering what happened in the hallway. Leia commanded the room with a sweet and firm hand, and Ben and Rey maneuvered around each other, helping whichever child requested it. 

Ben held out the box of little figurines for Rey to pass out right before any parents arrived. And just like before, obeyed his silent command and passed out the smiling battery, a reminder of God’s power and Jesus dying and coming back from the dead.

The last child to be picked up yelled their goodbyes to the room and was escorted away by their mother. Rey half-expected Gwen to barge through the door to help Ben clean, but they were left alone while Leia went to get the supplies for Friday.

Rey didn’t want to repeat the mistake she made in the hallway, so she waited for Ben to speak first. 

“Maybe you should go now,” He suggested as he swept up the last of the crumbs, “I’ll meet you outside. Go, so you don’t have to talk to anyone.”

“Oh, uh, okay.” She scrambled for her bag and rushed out the door and up the basement steps, praying she didn’t bump into Leia. 

Rey breathed a sigh of relief when she made it out of the church without bumping into anyone. There were still a few parents and kids lingering around the parking lot, but most of the noise came from the gym where the luncheon was taking place. She was unsure of where to wait for Ben, so she opted to take the sidewalk down the street as if walking home. Her strides were long and quick, but when she could no longer hear or see the church, she slowed down. 

The pain between her legs had been creeping back up since snack time, and now that she was alone, the throbbing pain was even more apparent and harder to ignore. She was starving but tried not to worry about it since Ben said he would take care of her.

Rey was mouthing the words to one of the songs from worship time and avoiding the cracks on the sidewalk when a familiar black car pulled up next to her. 

“Need a ride,” Ben called out with a mischievous smile. Rey tightened her grip on the bag across her body as she willed herself into his car once again. The red towel was folded neatly in the passenger seat, and Rey couldn’t help but smile at the show of consideration. 

“What were you doing when I pulled up?” Ben asked as they started down the road. 

“Just singing one of the songs from praise and worship. You know, the - I wanna be, thankful,” Rey started to sing the song and move her hands along to the words, “I wanna be grateful. I wanna remember everything that the Lord has done.” Rey knew she wasn’t the best singer, but the look Ben gave her was satisfying enough. 

She quieted down when the roads became unfamiliar. 

“Have you been to China Garden?” Ben asked, eyeing the small hand that was now gripping the door handle as if she really would open it and jump out. Her ‘no’ was feeble at best. 

“I have a feeling you’ll really like it.”

They drove for another ten minutes, and every time Ben turned the steering wheel, his biceps would flex, and Rey would have to bite her cheek to keep from squirming around too much. She tried focusing on the Natalie Grant song playing on the radio, but her attention always seemed to go back to Ben’s body. She carefully followed the vein in his hand all the way up his arm, and when she was done, she let her eyes roam back down to his lap.

There weren’t too many cars in the restaurant parking lot when they pulled in, but Ben still parked in the back away from everyone.

It was dark inside, and a hostess was waiting at the register flipping through a magazine looking bored beyond belief. 

The sign hanging on the wall behind the hostess welcomed them to the China Garden Buffet, and Rey’s eyes widened in excitement. She had never been to a buffet, and the thought of unlimited food made her mouth water instantly. 

“One adult and one-”

“Two adults and two drinks,” Ben interrupted the hostess who lazily shut the magazine and eyed Rey as she swiped the credit card Ben had placed on the counter. 

“Of course,” she smiled, walking out from behind the counter to lead them to the dining area. 

They were led to a table at the end of the first row, near a couple who looked just about ready to leave, but Ben asked if they could be seated in one of the booths off to the side. The hostess was hesitant but nodded and led them to the booth partially hidden by an ornately painted divider. 

When they were seated, a much chipper looking man came up to the table from across the room and took Ben and Rey’s drink order. 

Rey was buzzing with excitement to get to the food. A very audible growl from her stomach made Ben laugh, and he slid out from his place in front of her and motioned for her to follow him. 

There was a large stack of plates at the end of one of the aisles of food, and Ben handed her one and pointed to the tray of cutlery nearby. Rey grabbed them both forks and held the plate to her chest as she followed Ben around the islands of food, nervous and excited at all of her options. 

Soon enough, she separated from Ben, excited to peruse the seemingly unlimited amount of food. She scooped up a generous helping of white rice and sesame chicken, and an egg roll. One of the aisles had food she was much more familiar with, so she pushed her rice to the side and piled on as many fries and chicken tenders as possible.

Ben had made it back to the booth first, and when Rey placed her plate on the table, his eyes widened in surprise. 

“Whoa there, you know it’s all you can eat, right?” Rey blushed as she slid in across from him. 

“Yeah, sorry. I got carried away. I’ve never been to a buffet before.” 

“Do you want to pray, or should I?” Ben asked, placing his open hand onto the table for her. 

“Ummm, you pray.” Rey closed her eyes and grabbed for his hand.

“Dear lord-” 

Rey wondered about all the things he used his hands for. 

“Thank you for giving us another day where we could go to vacation bible school and share your word-”

Rose said all guys jerk off. Maybe Ben was the exception.

“May this food be a blessing-”

Could he tell what she had done in the bathroom just by holding her hand?

“Amen.” 

“Amen,” she whispered quickly after.

Rey was too hungry to try to have a conversation while eating, and Ben was more than willing to follow the silence.

She had never eaten at a Chinese restaurant before. A part of her was nervous about not liking the food, but after the first hesitant bite, she scarfed down the rest with a smile.

While Rey was finishing up the last of her fries, Ben’s legs knocked against hers. She ignored it on the off chance it was an accident and pulled her legs closer to her side of the booth so it wouldn’t happen again. A couple of seconds later, he nudged her again, so she pushed back even harder. Ben responded by stretching his leg out and resting it between her knees. When Rey finally looked up from her empty plate, he winked at her. 

Ben stood up and extended his hand to her. 

Rey kept her used plate at the table like Ben had instructed and filled her new one with a different assortment of noodles and beef along with a lone slice of pepperoni pizza. When they got back to the table, their used plates were gone and their drinks were refilled. 

Shortly after digging into the food, Rey felt Ben’s leg rest against hers again. She didn’t do anything this time, just in case he was trying to mess with her. 

“Tomorrow’s the last day of vacation bible school,” Ben said, eyeing her carefully. Rey slurped up some chow mein and nodded. 

“Yup.” She wasn’t sure if what they were doing constituted flirting, but she made sure to pop the P at the end of her sentence, making Ben’s leg twitch against hers.

“Excited?”

“I’m always sad and happy when VBS ends. The big party at the end is so much fun, but I think I’d like it better if it lasted all summer.”

“Even as a volunteer?”

“I like spending time with you - and your mom,” she added quickly as not to sound too desperate. 

“Well, I like spending time with you and my mom too.”

The way Ben smiled at her made all the warmth in her body pool in her lower stomach. The throbbing between her legs came back in full force, leaving Rey to clear her throat as if that would somehow throw Ben off from what was happening to her. 

“I’m going to get more,” Rey said, rushing out of the booth. She took her time gathering more food, and when she saw Ben get up, she walked back to the table and sat criss-cross applesauce. 

Rey ate the third plate much slower and decided against getting a fourth to leave whatever small amount of room she had left in her stomach for a trip to the ice cream machine she spotted along the back wall. There were a variety of pastries and cookies that Rey had never seen before. The dessert plates’ size displeased her, so she walked over to get a regular-sized one.

With enough dessert piled up to feed a family of four, Rey slumped into the booth and devoured what she could. She was fighting against the pain of a stomach so full of food that she barely had the energy to lift her arm by the fourth Chinese donut. Rey had never felt this kind of pain and wasn’t sure if it was much better than being hungry. 

“You don’t even look like you’re enjoying it anymore,” Ben laughed as he grabbed one of the many chocolate chip cookies on her plate. Rey couldn’t help but laugh but stopped when a sharp pain shot through her abdomen. 

“I don’t think I am. I just can’t stop.”

Rey looked down longingly at the rest of the sweets she couldn’t finish and sighed. 

“But you’re right. I think I’m done.”

“Here,” Ben whispered while collecting the rest of her uneaten desserts into an unfolded napkin, “put this in your bag.” She happily obliged and stuffed it underneath her extra pads and underwear. 

As she stretched beside the table, waiting for Ben to leave a tip for the server, Rey decided she did like the pain of a stomach that was too full, especially since it was gifted to her by Ben. Her head felt impossibly heavy, so she kept her eyes on Ben’s feet as they walked out to the parking lot. And when he suggested that they go for a drive, Rey obliged, too full and tired to decline.

Ben turned on the Christian radio station without Rey having to ask, which made her smile. She rested her head against the cool glass of the window and hummed along to the Jaci Velasquez song playing until her eyelids were too heavy to keep open. 

_When I found you I was blessed_

_And I will never leave you_

_I need you_

_Imagine me without you_

***

The low buzzing of static was the first thing Rey noticed as she came to. The sharp pain in her stomach from overeating had dissipated, leaving her with a comfortable fullness. She blinked her eyes a couple of times to adjust to the light and surveyed her surroundings. 

She was surprised to see the skyline of the city visible through the front windshield. She turned to Ben who was looking out of his window, eyes glazed over, deep in thought. He looked as if he was trying to chew a hole right through his cheek. 

“Ben?” 

He blinked at the sound of her voice but didn’t look at her. 

“Hey there, sleepyhead.” 

“Where are we?”

“Takodana point.”

Rey took another look out the windshield and studied the view carefully. She could make out patches of small forests and ponds, the public pool with a bright red and green waterslide that Finn and Rose took her to once, and the large building in the middle of the city that could only be Castle mall. 

“Wow...I’ve never seen the city like this. It’s really nice.”

It really was a beautiful spot, but Rey still twiddled her thumbs and waited nervously for Ben to explain _why_ they were there. She prayed that he would say something - anything, but two very long minutes passed in silence. She took her mind off the situation by thinking of the scary story where the second-hand dress kills the girl wearing it. That would never happen if she went to a school dance with Ben. He would probably insist on buying her a new sparkly dress and they would spend the whole night drinking Hawaiian punch and dancing underneath a disco ball. He was too tall for Rey to be able to rest her head on his shoulder, but resting it against his chest was fine enough for her. At the end of a long night, Ben would drive her home, walk her to the front door, and under the twinkling stars he would kiss her. He would be her first. 

“Have you ever kissed anyone," Rey’s question was out of her mouth before she could filter it, but figured she might as well finish it, "not including your family, of course." Ben was older and knew a lot more about life, so Rey braced herself for the admission that he had kissed plenty of girls before. Ben, however, didn't seem mad. He tilted his head and gave her a funny look, equally taken back by the question. 

“Why do you want to know?”

Rey shrugged as if she didn’t have a clear answer and was surprised to see him fidgeting with a frayed thread in his jeans. He seemed so unsure of himself, and his unease made Rey equally uneasy. She noticed his lips purse and could tell he was fighting back the urge to say something.

“Only one person has ever kissed me.”

Rey did her best to hide her excitement, but she was shocked. Ben seemed so experienced in everything he did. "Only one? That's nice." 

“Yeah,” he huffed out, still looking out the window, “nice.” There was malice in his voice, but Rey didn’t know how to respond to it.

"I haven't kissed anyone." 

“I figured as much. You’re a good girl,” he added, finally turning to her and extending his arm to caress her cheek. Rey wanted to melt into his touch. It would have been the perfect time for him to kiss her, but Rey finally focused in on the darkness in his eyes, and the warning bells went off in her mind as if she was a small animal ready to flee from a predator. 

“Come here.” His command cut through the recycled air of the car, and the hairs on the back of her neck stood up. 

“What? What do you mean?”

“Sit on my lap.”

She didn’t have the impulse to run out of the car, but the only thing she could think to say was ‘no.’ She didn’t want to sit on his lap like a little kid. 

“But what about...you know.” She eyed the red towel and made sure his gaze followed so he would know what she was implying.

“Rey,” he dropped his hand from her face and opened his legs for her, “be a good girl.”

She didn’t want to be rude or seem ungrateful; he had bought the food in her belly and the supplies in her bag to help with her period. It shouldn't be so hard to comply with a small request from someone who's done so much, so she did as she was told and clumsily made her way across the console to Ben’s lap. The steering wheel pressed into her knees, and she struggled to get comfortable, but Ben seemed pleased with her concession. 

“Here, let me-” he breathed out into the side of her neck, reaching forward to adjust the wheel, “is that better?”

The steering wheel was no longer pressing into her knees, so it was a little better, but Rey still had no idea why she was on his lap. The grip he had on her hips tightened, and she felt helpless under his touch. All she could do was let her head fall back into his shoulder and relax into every part of him. 

“How’ve you been feeling today,” Ben asked as he started to rock her gently back into him. The slow and intentional movements distracted her from the question, and he was able to slide his hand up her arm and onto her chest without protest. He pressed his palm into the tender flesh of her breasts, causing her to whimper. A tingling sensation shot down Rey’s back, and she rolled her hips into him in response. She froze when Ben let out a pained moan and lifted herself off of him a bit, afraid she had done something wrong. But he just huffed out in frustration and pressed her hips back down. Unlike the jeans Rey wore the previous day, her gaucho pants were a much thinner fabric, giving her the ability to feel more of Ben from behind and it made her cheeks flush in excitement.

Ben used his knees to spread her legs open even more, and let his hand rest high up on her thigh. His hand felt heavy and Rey couldn't help but guide it further between her legs. 

“You want me to touch you?” His mouth was right at her ear, making her shiver. She surprised them both with a breathy moan that echoed throughout the car and pressed his hand harder into her. There wasn’t enough room for both their hands, but Rey was able to shift her lower half back into him a little bit more to open her legs wider. 

“Such a good girl, opening up for me.”

Ben let his hand go limp so Rey could use it as she pleased, and eventually, she fell into the same rhythm from when she was touching herself in the bathroom. It didn't feel quite the same, but the fact that it was Ben's hand making her feel good was more than enough compensation. 

“My sweet girl.”

Ben’s thrusting jostled Rey so much she had to lean her forearm against the window to keep balance. She gasped out his name as she pushed his fingers harder into herself. 

“I know,” he huffed out in between thrusts, “I know. It feels good to rub your sweet little cunt, doesn’t it?” She didn’t answer him. It didn’t seem like an actual question anyway.

He trailed kisses down her collar and bit down on her shoulder, savoring the saltiness of her skin. The bite hurt, but Rey was much more focused on his hand. She had the impulse to guide him into her pants so she could know what his fingers actually felt against her private, but the wetness in her underwear kept her from doing so.

Rey wasn't sure how much time had passed. She couldn't focus on anything but Ben and the fluttery feeling in her mind. All she could do was give into feeling. She felt Ben’s chest rise and fall against her back, felt his large nose rub against the bite mark he left on her shoulder, felt the solid and hard heat that he was pushing into her; and before she knew it, little stars filled her vision, and she heaved out on instinct. It was pure bliss. 

There were a couple more staggered thrusts into her backside before Ben quieted down and rested his forehead on the back of her head. He enveloped her with his long arms and held her tight against his chest so long that Rey was able to sync their breathing while watching a flock of birds fly across the horizon. 

When Ben finally let her go, she did her best not to hurt him as she crawled back to the passenger seat. Her legs felt like jelly, and she was still out of breath, but Rey had never felt so blissed out. 

“Can I have one of your wipes?” Ben asked, adjusting the front of his pants. It took a moment for Rey to process his request since her brain was still buzzing, but when she was able, she reached for the pack of wipes in her bag and curiously watched as Ben hopped out of the car and turned his back to her. She heard his pants unzip but couldn’t hear any sign that he was peeing. He got back into the car without a word and handed Rey the pack of wipes, shoving the few that he had used into the panel on the side of the door. 

“Are you ok,” she asked, taking in how dilated his pupils were and the rosiness of his cheeks.

“Yeah, how ‘bout you?” 

“I think I’m okay. I feel so weird,” she held up her hands to his face, “like my skin is vibrating. Can you see it?”

“No, but I know what you mean. You might’ve had an orgasm.”

“An orgasm? That might be the best feeling in the world. That’s never happened to me before.”

“It only happens when you play with someone like that.” 

“So we’re just...playing. And that’s not sex, right?” Rey felt like she was putting a puzzle together using pieces from five different boxes. Thankfully Ben was patient with her questions. 

“Right.”

“So jerking off is just playing by yourself?” 

“How do you know about that?”

“Rose told me.” He squinted his eyes as if he didn’t believe her. 

“Who told _you_ about all this stuff?”

“Someone taught me,” he looked down at his hands then; and for someone who had just commanded her to sit on his lap not too long ago, he seemed so small and fragile. “But don’t worry,” he whispered, turning the car on and backing out onto the main road, “I’m nothing like him.” 

***

The long drive back was quiet. The sun was beginning to set, and Plutt would be gone by the time Rey got to the house. The driveway was empty as she had suspected, giving her the courage to ask Ben if he wanted to come in. 

“Are you sure no one’s home?”

“Plutt’s not home for sure, but I can go check.”

Ben agreed and waited for Rey to give him the thumbs up before turning the car off and making his way inside. 

“Hey, what was up with Gwen today?” Rey asked, placing her bag onto the kitchen table and fishing out the napkin filled with goodies. 

“What do you mean?”

“I saw the way she looked at you during praise and worship. She seemed mad.” 

“We talked a little bit, and I told her I wasn’t interested. She didn’t take it very well.”

“Interested in what?”

“Her,” Ben drew out in a low hum as he walked from the living room to the kitchen, inspecting the living conditions. He eyed Plutt’s stained recliner, the dusty TV, the water damaged wallpaper, and the refrigerator with no art on it. 

“Can I see your room?” 

Rey kept her cool as she led him down the hall. Her room wasn’t spotless, but it was as tidy as it was ever going to get, with the exception of the blood-stained sheets still tucked under the bed. She rushed over to try to block Ben’s view, but he had seen them as soon as she opened the door. He walked around the room quietly and took inventory of Rey’s belongings. The books were all used and worn down, the mattress had a spring sticking out of the end, and the small brown dresser was missing an entire drawer. 

When he made it to Rey’s side, he dropped to his knee and reached for the fitted. Rey wanted to die of embarrassment. 

“I uhh - I forgot to throw that in the washer.” 

He raised his eyebrow at her and balled the sheet up into one of his fists. 

“Where is it?”

“In the garage.”

Ben backed out of the room and waited for Rey to lead him to the garage door on the other side of the house. Once at the dryer, Ben surveyed the cleaning supplies and went to work pre, treating the stain with bleach and cold water. Rey had hopped up onto Plutt’s workbench and swung her legs off the edge, enjoying the view. As they waited, Ben took it upon himself to check the dryer and folded the load of towels that Rose had left in there. 

When Ben was satisfied with the pre-soak, he gave the sheet a short but rigorous scrub and finally put it in the washer. 

“Is the stain going to be gone when it’s done?”

“Hopefully. Fresh blood is tricky to remove, and dried blood is even trickier.”

“Thanks for trying,” Rey mumbled to the ground, keeping her eyes on her swinging feet. She didn’t hear him move, but when his much larger feet came into view, she looked up and was met with the shimmering amber light of his eyes. Rey thought it would be a good time for Ben to kiss her. She even thought about taking the plunge and kissing him first, but before she could find out if she had the courage to make the first move, the shrill ringing of the house phone echoed out into the garage and startled them both. Rey immediately ran to the kitchen to answer it in case it was Plutt with a list of demands that needed to be met before he got home. 

“What do you want,” Rose asked over the music blaring on her end. Rey rolled her eyes. Her foster sister tended to start speaking before the line picked up which irritated her. 

“What?”

“I said Finn is treating us to Taco Bell for dinner, what do you want?”

“Oh uh the beefy burrito.”

“Ok, see you in like 30 minutes.” 

The end tone beeped in Rey’s ear before she could even blink. She just stood there with the phone in her hand, staring at Ben who had followed her back into the kitchen. He didn’t say anything but raised an eyebrow in question.

“Rose and Finn are on their way.”

He didn't move right away, but Rey knew he was thinking about leaving before anyone got home. She hated to admit it, but she was thinking the same thing. Nothing would have made Rey happier than being able to introduce her one and only friend to her foster sister; maybe they would get along really well and become friends. But somehow, deep down, Rey knew that that would never happen. She forced a smile instead of crying like she really wanted to, but Ben saw through it and was by her side in two long strides. He wrapped his arms around her and squeezed enough to make her gasp. 

"Don't worry Dolores," he whispered into the top of her head, "I'll see you tomorrow." 

She tried burying her face into his chest but there was only so far she could go. She let go of him eventually but he grabbed for her hand and held onto it as they walked through the living room and out to his car. They said their goodbyes and Ben waved one last time before pulling away. Rey felt a tug on her heart as she watched the car disappear down the road. It was like her body wanted to go with him, and it took some convincing to go back to the house and not run after him. Before she turned back, the empty garbage bins at the end of the driveway caught her attention. Plutt was more than happy to yell at her for forgetting to bring them in from the street, so she rushed over and heaved them up the inclined driveway one at a time. Rey was so focused on the bins that she didn't notice Maz’s small figure by her garden gate until she called out. 

"Rey! How are you?”

“Oof. Maz you scared me."

"Sorry darling, I didn't mean too."

"No it's okay," Rey huffed and maneuvered the last bin into its spot against the side of the house by the backyard gate, "I'm okay, just had a long day." She brushed her hands on her pants but there was a thick brown substance that stuck to her hand from the handle of the bin. She dragged her hand along her pant waist again but the mysterious substance didn't budge. Maz was saying something about how her day went but Rey was only half paying attention.

"VBS ends tomorrow."

"Yeah. I'm kinda bummed but it's been fun, even including the kids who like to cause a little trouble."

"Never a dull moment I'm sure. Have you been able to make some friends? I know you mentioned there being another volunteer in the room with you, but have you been able to hang out with any girls your age?" There was something about Maz's question that put Rey on alert. The old woman was studying her and waiting for an answer she probably already guessed the answer to. Rey looked down to Maz's knees to see the fresh dirt still clinging to her pant legs. Maz had been outside gardening. Rey hadn't seen her out in the front yard when she arrived, then again, her attention was all on Ben. 

"Not really...no. But I did make one friend, and I think one great friend makes up for a lot of okay friends,"

"You're probably right. Was that your friend - the one I saw leaving?" Maz seemed resolute in her questioning which further irritated Rey. Why did she care who came and went anyway? But Rey decided against being defensive and doubled down on her dirty hands. 

"That was Ben, the other volunteer I told you about the other day. Sorry Maz," she interrupted herself and held up her hands, "but I've gotta try to wash this stuff off.” She had already started backing away from the gate when Maz assured her that they would talk later. Rey turned on her heel without another word and went inside. 

***

Rey was laying on her bed listening to the radio when Rose and Finn finally showed up more than an hour later.

"Sorry we took so long," Rose laughed as she swung the bedroom door open, "we got a little uhhh a little distracted."

"Can you please not say it like that," Finn called out from the kitchen. 

"What do you want me to say? We got distracted and fooled around? _Anyways_ , We're going to watch a movie and eat, so join us if you want," Rose said, slapping the door frame before walking off.

Rey was feeling a bit hungry, but she didn’t feel like getting up. She didn’t even feel like moving. She just laid on her bed, and let her eyes follow the maze-like pattern of the orange peel wall until she dozed off. 

***

It was almost midnight when Rey woke up to a stabbing pain in her abdomen. It felt as if her whole lower body was trapped in a vice, and she had no choice but to cry through the pain. Eventually, she gained enough strength to roll out of bed and stumble around the dark room looking for her bag. When she finally found the bottle of Pamprin, she shuffled along to the kitchen to get a glass of water. The kitchen was dark save for the dim glow of the TV that seeped in, but Rey was more than familiar with the house and could find what she needed with her eyes closed. The sound of cups clinking together caught Finn's attention and he turned down the volume of whatever he was watching to better hear Rey. 

"Hey peanut."

"Hey Finn." Rey quickly guzzled down two pills and shoved the bottle into her pants when she saw Finn try to turn to face her. 

"Are you feeling okay?"

"Mhmm."

"Are you sure," he asked again, shifting Rose's sleeping body off his lap so he could get up from their spot on the couch, "you never came out to eat." 

"Just haven't been feeling the best. Plus, I've been getting up early this week so I'm just really tired."

"Oh ok, I just wanted to make sure." Finn walked over to the light switch by the fridge and turned on the light. He stayed quiet, waiting for Rey to make the next move but she stayed silent and motionless by the sink. Rey saw him eye the bulge in her pocket from the medicine and quickly turned to empty the rest of the water into the sink.

"You should probably leave before Plutt get's here. I'm not sure when his shift ends."

Finn looked around the kitchen for a clock even though he knew full well there wasn't one anywhere. He got the hint though; for some reason, Rey was pushing him out. He collected his things without protest, making sure to stop and kiss Rose on the forehead and cover her with the blanket before heading for the door. 

"Can you please make sure that she's okay in the morning?" It was still dark in the room but Rey could see the look of concern and pity on Finn's face. She turned to look at Rose, but she was still fast asleep on the couch.

"What do you mean?"

"Just...make sure she's okay." Finn looked over Rey's shoulder to give one last look at Rose and smiled. She thought he looked pained in some way but couldn't quite place it. 

"Okay, I'll make sure. And thanks again for the food."

"No problem peanut. Enjoy the burrito - I also left you some cinnamon twists and a baja blast so don't let Rose tell you those are hers." Rey knew he was trying to be playful, but she was too tired and in too much pain. She stayed quiet and waved him off, shutting the door behind her before he could even start his car. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Rey's patchwork bag](https://www.pinterest.com/pin/159103799322605410/?nic_v1=1aLExxfGoTk53Z0PBr7sFWrJ68BY0r9By2zgNopRNfIg1yWn5H6NA%2BHVhTl%2BcFIwM6&nic_v2=1a1anA7x5)   
>  [These are the actual songs from VBS Power Lab. The song Rey sings is at 3:50](https://youtu.be/YeTfTCu9hLs)   
>  [Jaci Velasquez song playing on the radio](https://youtu.be/cJfBabSVxaA)


End file.
